Fairytale Dreams
by jremme
Summary: Basically what the title implies. A series of one-shots of the team dreaming about various fairytales, taking on the various roles. Just for fun! Purely entertainment, so keep that in mind. Rating upped for chap 3. Angela and Sleeping Beauty is up!
1. Angela Little Red Riding Hood

**A/N: Due to what I can only describe as temporary insanity, I'm posting yet another fic. However, this one's a bit different. It will be a series of one-shots with one connecting theme: they're all fairytale dreams, as the title implies. Now, I'm starting with this one, and I want suggestions from people on what they'd like to see for the next one. I need the person who's dreaming, and the fairytale you want them to dream about. Hopefully, this'll work out. Call it an experiment if you will. All in the name of fun! If people don't like it, it remains a one-shot. And remember: these are DREAMS, so they get a little weird in places!! Also keep in mind that it's late at night as I'm writing this! Enjoy!**

**Angela-Little Red Riding Hood**

Angela Montenegro, nicknamed Little Red Riding Ange, picked up the basket of bones that sat on the table in her little cottage. She was off to deliver them to her best friend, Temperance Brennan, so she could ID them. The artist was a little nervous as this was her first trip through the woods alone. She had heard of a big bad bug man living in those woods who liked to prey on unsuspecting young girls. Hopefully, she wouldn't run into him, but her father had always told her not to talk to strangers.

She fastened the dark red hoodie cape around her shoulders, and set off into the woods. It was a stupid place to put a cottage, but it had been cheap, and the woods were peaceful although it was kind of a pain being so far from civilization. How was a girl supposed to meet any hot guys living in the middle of the woods?

She skipped along amongst the trees, humming to herself, when she suddenly felt someone watching her. She glanced around behind her, but didn't see anything. When she turned around she found herself looking into a pair of huge blue eyes.

It was the big bad bug man, and he was…fine! She looked him up and down approvingly. He couldn't be all that bad, looking like that, could he? He smiled at her.

"Hey baby, what brings you to this part of the woods?"

Little Red Riding Ange paused, debating whether or not to answer. In the end, she replied, holding up the basket.

"I'm taking this basket of bones to my friend's house so they can be identified."

The man nodded his head, and said, "Why don't you let me see those bones first? There might be particulate evidence on them that could aid your friend with identification."

Little Red Riding Ange took a step back. "I don't think so. I was told to bring them straight to her, and that's what I'm going to do. Please leave me alone." With that, she turned away from him and continued on her way, wondering if she should've asked him for a date.

Little did she know that the big bad bug man knew exactly where Temperance lived and was headed there himself, using a shortcut. He arrived before Little Red Riding Ange, and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" said the voice within.

The big bad bug man cleared his throat, raised his voice in pitch, and said, "It is I, your friend in the red hoodie cape. I have come with this basket of bones for you to identify."

She opened the door, only to be confronted by the big bad bug man, who knocked her on the head, and dragged her into the bedroom closet, tying her up and gagging her so she'd stay quiet.

Little Red Riding Ange reached her friend's cottage. She'd really have to try and talk her into moving in with her or something. Temperance's side of the woods was even more isolated than her own. The only other person she'd ever seen out here was that hot woodsman with the weird socks and sexy belt buckles she'd been trying to get Temperance to go on a blind date with. If she started dating the big bad bug man, perhaps they could double date.

She knocked on the door, and heard the high pitched voice call, "Come in!" She entered and walked through the house, looking for her friend.

"Sweetie, where are you?"

"I'm in the bedroom." She entered the bedroom, and found her friend, or the person she believed to be her friend, in the bed. She looked at the bed's occupant quizzically. It was Temperance's clothing, and clunky jewelry, but something was off.

"Sweetie, what amazing eyes you have."

"All the better to see those bones with."

"And what manly hands you have." This was looking more and more suspicious to Angela.

"All the better to identify those bones you brought with you."

"And what curly hair you have." She was positive her friend didn't have curly hair, unless she'd gotten a perm, of course.

"All the better to…all the…better to…ahhh, forget it." The occupant stood up, throwing off the blankets that had covered him. Angela gasped loudly, a hand over her mouth.

"You're not Temperance at all! You're the big bad bug man! Where's my friend? What have you done with her?"

"She's all tied up in the closet, baby, which is exactly where you're going to be in a minute! You should have just let me take those bones." He moved towards her, and although she couldn't stop looking into those brilliant blue eyes, she let out a loud squeal of fear, and began backing away from him, clutching the basket.

Little Red Riding Ange's squeal carried through the open window of Temperance's cottage and reached the ears of the hot woodsman, who was chopping wood nearby. He figured something must be wrong at the nearby cottage, so he shouldered his trusty ax, and headed off in the direction of the squeal.

Little Red Riding Ange was racing around the cottage trying to get away from the big bad bug man, but she was running out of energy fast. He, on the other hand, had what appeared to be a never ending supply of energy and she couldn't help but wonder if, under different circumstances, that energy could be channeled into bedroom activities. If only he weren't being such a jerk. Typical man. She was about to go through the front room again, her pursuer close behind her, when the door burst open.

She found herself staring at the hot woodsman as the big bad bug man bumped into her from behind. She immediately ran behind the hot woodsman as he asked her, "What's going on here?"

Little Red Riding Ange pointed at the big bad bug man. "He tied up my friend and he's trying to steal these bones I brought for her!"

"Are you going to leave them alone now?" the hot woodsman asked, glaring at the other man.

"No way! I want those bones!"

"Suit yourself." The hot woodsman brought his ax in front of him and raised it. The big bad bug man's eyes grew wide as he stared at the weapon.

"Whoa, dude! Put that thing down! Someone could get hurt! I'll go, I'll go…just put the ax down!"

The hot woodsman lowered the ax and pointed out into the woods. "Go!"

He turned to go, but Little Red Riding Ange stopped him. "Wait a sec. You're terrible and a big jerk, but I was wondering if you were interested in maybe going out with me sometime. The village is holding its spring celebration next week and I don't have a date yet."

The big bad bug man nodded, and Little Red Riding Ange beamed. "I live in the cottage on the east side of the woods. Pick me up at 7 ok?" He left, and the hot woodsman looked at Little Red Riding Ange.

"Where's your friend at?"

"In the bedroom closet. You know, I think you should ask her to the celebration. She doesn't have a date either."

They stopped at the closet door and the hot woodsman opened it, and untied Temperance, removing the gag from her mouth.

"Little Red Riding Ange? Are you all right? This psycho broke in pretending to be you and tied me up, and…" Temperance trailed off as her eyes landed on the hot woodsman. "Who are you?"

"I'm the hot woodsman, but you can just call me Booth. I heard Little Red Riding Ange's squeal and came to the rescue."

"Well, I'm sure that wasn't necessary. Little Red Riding Ange and I had the situation under control." She smirked but couldn't take her eyes off him. Little Red Riding Ange grinned, then held out the basket.

"I brought these for you."

"Thank you. I'll get started on them right away."

"Ummm, sweetie, I was just thinking that since I'm going to the spring celebration with the big bad bug man, you should have a date too."

"Uh, huh." Temperance seemed to have fallen in some sort of trance. This was going to be a piece of cake.

"I'm glad you agree. I'm sure hot woodsman Booth would love to take you, right?" She elbowed him gently in the ribs.

"Sure, I could do that."

"Great, it's all settled!" Little Red Riding Ange let out a happy little squeal. She would get her double date after all. She said good bye to Temperance, adjusted her red hoodie cape, and left the two still staring at each other, heading for her cottage on the east side of the woods.

**A/N: Wow. Yea, ok. What did you think? It seemed a bit ridiculous to me, but then I thought that, hey, sometimes fairytales are a bit on the ridiculous side, as are dreams. Let **

**me know if you want more, and give me suggestions!! No updates until I have them!! Thank you!**


	2. Brennan Princess and the Pea

**A/N: Ok, my insanity is still going strong, so here's another fairytale dream! This one is the Princess and the Pea, suggested by the wonderful CSI-4077! I have condensed it slightly for time purposes, and tinkered with it a bit. Also, I'm using the Hans Christian Andersen version as a base. Enjoy!!**

**Brennan-The Princess and the Pea**

In a land far away, a prince lived with his mother in a castle. The prince was very arrogant, stubborn, and had an ego the size of a small country. He wanted desperately to get married so he could feel even more like an Alpha male than he did already. But, not just any woman would do. No, the prince _had_ to marry a princess. Typical Alpha male. Only someone from the highest social stratum would suffice.

The prince sat around for years, waiting for what he considered the perfect woman to just fall into his arms. Of course, this never happened. Probably because there were no princesses in the area.

Then the prince got the bright idea of putting a personals ad in the village newspaper. It read:

_Prince with killer body and smile seeks Princess for long term relationship, namely marriage. Contact castle if you fit criteria. Must be good looking and non-idiotic. Princesses cursed by witches or evil stepmothers need not reply._

The prince was dumbstruck when he didn't get a single reply. What had become of all the princesses? They should be beating his door down to marry him.

One morning, the prince woke up, put on his strange socks and belt buckle, and spent an hour admiring himself in the mirror, giving it his best charm smile. The mirror was unimpressed, but the prince knew that any princesses he met on his journey would be. Then he told the queen good-bye and went out into the world in search of a princess with good bone structure that would be suitable to marry.

He searched and searched, but couldn't find any. He turned to his loyal squire, Sir Addy.

"Where are all the royal babes? It's like they vanished or something! Is there a witch around here or something that's cursed the land?" He looked around, as if expecting a witch to pop out from behind a bush or something.

"I don't believe so, Prince Booth. Perhaps all the princesses are already taken, or there have been more boys born in the land than girls."

Prince Booth snorted. "Might as well go back home and revel in my eternal bachelorhood." He turned and headed back in the direction of the castle, mumbling something about needing to get laid. Sir Addy followed at a respectable distance, in case the Prince's mood was affected by his lack of sex.

When they arrived back at the castle, the prince told his mother what had happened, and went off to his chamber to pout like a child. Outside, though, a storm was brewing. The sky grew dark and the rain began to fall, complete with thunder and lightning. There was a knock at the prince's chamber door.

"Who is it?"

"It's Sir Addy, Prince Booth, your faithful squire."

"Come in."

Sir Addy entered. "I have been sent to tell you that there is a girl downstairs who has sought shelter from the storm. Her name is Temperance, and she claims to be a real princess! Also, can I sleep in here tonight at the foot of your bed? I hate storms, and have this fear of getting struck by lightning."

Prince Booth groaned. "If you insist, Sir Addy. She claims to be a princess, huh? Well, we'll see about that." He left his chamber quickly, Sir Addy following behind.

When he caught sight of the girl in the front hallway, he skidded to a stop, Sir Addy bumping into him from behind. "Hi," was all he could manage to say.

"Hello. You must be Prince Booth. I'm Temperance. Princess Temperance, to be precise. I was out for a walk and got caught in the storm. Thank you for giving me shelter."

Prince Booth gazed at her for a moment, then said, "You are very well structured, Temperance."

"Thank you, but it's Princess Temperance."

"Sorry there, _Princess, _but it's a little hard to believe you're a princess looking like you crawled through the mud for the last hour, and besides, I've traveled all over this land, and I couldn't come across a single princess. I'm looking for one to marry, you see."

"I know. I read your chauvinistic personals ad." She made a face.

Prince Booth turned to Sir Addy. "Go and fetch some refreshment for Temperance. I must see my mother." He left, and Sir Addy led Temperance to the kitchens.

Prince Booth found his mother in the throne room and said, "Mother, there is a girl in the castle claiming to be a princess. I'm not sure if I believe her. She's well structured, but she's also very dirty, and her clothes are those of a peasant. How can we tell if she is who she says she is?"

The queen thought for a moment, then replied, "A princess must be very delicate and sensitive to what is around her. I have a plan to test her claim." And with that she went to a room containing a bedstead. She placed a single pea on it, and then had 20 mattresses stacked on top of it.

"There. If she is able to feel the pea through all that, then she must be a princess." Prince Booth nodded his approval. "Now, good night my son, for I'm off to bed." She left the room and Prince Booth went to the kitchens.

"A room has been prepared for you Temperance," he said.

"That's Princess Temperance. Can't you remember anything?"

"You're not a princess to me yet. Sir Addy will show you to your room." He told Sir Addy where the room was to be found, then retired to his own room.

Sir Addy showed Temperance to her room, and left quickly, leaving the girl to stare up at the stack of 20 mattresses.

"Are they insane? How am I even supposed to get up there?" She asked out loud. But Temperance was determined and also extremely intelligent. She sought out a high step ladder, which she climbed up. She collapsed on the top mattress, and immediately felt uncomfortable.

It wasn't just because of how high up she was either. There was something poking her in the back. She squirmed around on the mattress, feeling underneath her for the culprit, but all she felt was smooth mattress. If it wasn't still storming out, she probably would have taken her chances outside. Even the ground was better than this.

She spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning, but ever tormented by the unknown object poking her relentlessly. When the sun shone through her window, she got up, and climbed down the ladder. Sir Addy met her in the hallway, and led her to the dining hall for breakfast.

She sat down across from Prince Booth, who recoiled from her ever so slightly.

"You look awful! Didn't you sleep well?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I didn't sleep well at all! 20 mattresses?! Are you people psychotic? One would have been plenty for me. Plus, to make it worse, there was something underneath that kept me awake all night. My back is still sore from it! I don't think I slept more than a couple hours in total!"

The prince and his mother exchanged a glance. The prince gave her a megawatt smile, which Temperance returned with a glare.

"You are truly a princess, Temperance," the prince said.

"Uh, yea, I told you that…several times in fact."

Prince Booth explained. "My mother planted a pea underneath all those mattresses in order to make sure that you were a real princess. And so you are."

"You people really are crazy! If you really wanted proof, I could have had my birth certificate sent over or something! I didn't get any sleep because of you!" Her nostrils flared with rage.

"You know something, Princess Temperance; you are cute when you're angry! Now, we can get married! At last, my dream of marrying a princess to further establish my own dominance can become a reality."

"Whoa, I never agreed to marry you! Maybe I'll sleep with you to satisfy my own biological urges, but that's about it."

"Marry me, Princess. Please." He gave her a charm smile, and pleaded with his big brown eyes. Despite her greatest effort not to, Temperance gave in.

"Very well, but on one condition."

"Which is?"

"I'm keeping my own name. You don't own me."

"Deal." He held out his hand and she shook it, but as she did, he pulled her to him and kissed her. She kissed him back, and Sir Addy let out a cheer. Everyone looked over at him.

He cleared his throat. "I apologize. I just thought this was the part where everybody cheered because it was going to be a happy ending."

Sir Addy was right. Prince Booth and Princess Temperance got married; she kept her own name, and they lived happily ever after….for the most part.

**A/N: Hope you liked it! Please R&R!! Thanks for the suggestions everyone! Next up will be Booth dreaming Rapunzel! Thank you!! **


	3. Booth Rapunzel

**A/N: Well, here I am, with a little extra time…seems like the best time for me to write these is at night! Somehow, I don't think they'd be as wacky if they were written in the daytime. Maybe I'll experiment with it…but enough boring prattle from me! This is Booth dreaming Rapunzel, suggested by Redemption by Fire and Megan Nichole, using the Brothers Grimm version, which was enough to warrant an M rating for this chap (the opportunity presented itself for a little smut, and, after all, it is Booth's dream, and we all know he wants Brennan sooo bad!). Enjoy!!**

**Booth-Rapunzel**

A married couple lived in a small village. They had wanted children for a long time, but had never succeeded. They lived next door to a garden, which was surrounded by a wall. It was owned by an enchantress, who was actually a man who liked to dress like an enchantress.

The enchantress's name was Sully, and he was very much into his garden, borderline obsessed as a matter of fact. Probably due to the fact that he had no social life. But, despite his odd lifestyle, he was an ok person, just touchy about the garden. He'd even been heard to say that he would kill for it…kind of a loony.

Anyway, the woman at long last got pregnant. And, as happens for some reason with pregnant women, she had weird cravings. And one of those cravings was some rapunzel that was growing in enchantress Sully's garden. (Rapunzel?! What the hell kind of plant is that? Is it even edible? Scratch rapunzel; we're going with…uh…radishes, yea, radishes.)

So, anyway, the woman craves these radishes, and makes her poor husband go out and fetch some for her. Talk about whipped! He keeps this up for three nights straight, scaling the wall and stealing from enchantress Sully. It was ridiculous because he knew she was going to want more, so the smart thing to do would have been to just steal enough for awhile on the first night. But the husband wasn't too bright, apparently.

Which could also explain why he got caught on that third night; as he was climbing back up the garden wall to go home. The enchantress was putting on a much needed night facial mask, when he glanced out the window and noticed the idiot husband climbing the wall, rap…radishes in hand. Sully hurried outside, and the husband saw him in the nasty mask, and was so scared at the horrific sight that he fell from the wall.

"You're stealing from me, breaking into my garden!? How dare you? Why, I oughta…" Enchantress Sully moved to strike the husband with a machete that he used for weeding his 

precious garden (Big ass weeds, then), and the husband, like the weakling he was, groveled at his feet, begging for mercy.

Enchantress Sully lowered the machete. "Cut that out. It's embarrassing. Fine, you may live, but you have to swear that when your wife gives birth, you'll give the child to me."

The husband, idiot that he was, agreed immediately, and ran off for home, still carrying the stupid radishes.

The wife seemed to think it a fair trade; a live husband and her radishes in exchange for the child she'd so longed for. Maybe she wasn't too bright either. In any event, she had a girl, a beautiful child with blue eyes, like her stupid father. The enchantress arrived promptly and whisked the child away, naming her Temperance.

Temperance grew into an extremely good looking woman, too smart for her own good at times. Enchantress Sully kept her locked in a tall tower with no door, and only one window at the top for her to look out of. He didn't want her idiot father coming back and stealing her away; he wanted Temperance all to himself.

He visited her every day, and got into the tower by yelling up at Temperance to let her ridiculously long hair fall from the window.

"Tempe, o Tempe, let down your hair!" he would cry.

He would then climb up it to the window. By some miracle, this didn't cause Temperance any pain, or if it did, she didn't say anything.

Temperance's virtue was never in danger, maybe because the enchantress didn't swing that way, or maybe because deep down, he was a noble man, or whatever he was, and didn't want to rob the cradle. Or maybe it was just because he thought of Temperance as a daughter. Whatever the reason, she remained pure.

Until one day, a very good looking, horny as a toad prince was riding his horse and heard Temperance singing 'Hot Blooded' slightly off key from her tower. Fascinated with the sound of her voice, specifically because it was a female voice, he followed it to her tower, and peered up at the girl within. He could barely see her, but she certainly looked easy on the eyes.

He searched and searched the tower, but could find no door or stairs. He made a mental note to find out who had built the piece of junk and give them a piece of his mind, and his boot. She 

didn't see him, and after a time of jumping up and down and waving like a moron, yelling, "Hey baby, down here!" he gave up and rode home. He returned every day though, to listen to her sing.

One day he heard someone coming and hid behind the bushes. It was enchantress Sully, who had come for his daily visit. He called to her to let down her hair, which she did, and the prince watched as Sully climbed up to the tower. So, that's how it was done. He rubbed his chin in thought. He was going to pay this girl a little visit.

When enchantress Sully left at sundown, the prince, who doubled as an ultra-cool village MBI agent (medieval bureau of investigation), called to Temperance to let her hair down. She leaned out the window of the tower, surprised to a voice other than enchantress Sully's, and a very sexy voice at that. She could barely make him out from her tower, and let her hair down so he could climb up, hoping that he was just as sexy as his voice.

She was not disappointed. The second he reached the window in the tower, and she laid eyes on him, right there in front of her, she felt a sensation she had never felt before. It made her want to do things she'd never done before; things that she wanted him to show her.

"Wow, you are even better up close!" the prince/MBI agent exclaimed. He introduced himself, and they talked for awhile, becoming acquainted, and the more they talked, the more the prince 

wanted her. He hoped the feeling was mutual. He was about to put the moves on her, but then she noticed that the daylight had returned, and hurriedly told him to get lost before enchantress Sully came back.

He obeyed, not wanting a confrontation with the creepy enchantress. He told her that he'd be back that night, and so he was, with only one thing on his mind. It seemed to be on Temperance's mind as well, as the second he was through the window, she pinned him to the wall and kissed him deeply. It took him by surprise, particularly since she'd been in that tower for who knew how long, but he wasn't about to complain.

She pulled away from him to give them both time to take a breath and then immediately brought her mouth crashing over his once more. When they broke apart that time, she moved back to her bed, and took a deep breath.

He followed her to the bed and unbuttoned the simple dress she was wearing. He tossed it aside and removed his own clothes. He kissed her, this time letting his lips explore her face and neck, nibbling on her earlobe. He couldn't help but smile as her lips left much the same trail on his own face.

As her lips ventured near his, he kissed her again, then just held her close for a moment, breathing her in. She just smiled, and let out a gasp and a giggle when she felt his hardness press against her.

Without warning, he reached down, and pulled her legs out from under her, so she flopped on her back on the bed, the wind momentarily knocked out of her. He leaned over her, taking her in for a moment, and then kissed her mouth once more before moving down to her breasts.

He cupped one in his hand, eliciting a moan from her open mouth. He put his lips over the nipple of the other and sucked gently, making her moan louder and wriggle beneath him. Then he ran his hands over her bare stomach, marveling at how smooth her skin was. She took his head in both her hands, looking at him through hooded eyes.

"I can't wait much longer. I want you." She arched her hips up to grind against his. "And I know you want me too." She wrapped her arms around him and gently raked her nails down his back. She opened her arms for him, but he had other plans for her, pulling her by her feet until her legs were dangling over the edge of the bed.

"You're not…" she began, but was cut off by a gasp as she felt his fingers caress her slit. One finger then went inside, straight for her clit, going in tight circles around it, then stroking it slowly, then quicker, until she thought she might climax then and there. The finger was joined by another, and both teased her entrance until her moans turned into short screams. "No more, no more, I can't take anymore," she gasped out. He withdrew his fingers, wet with her essence. He ran them around her nipples until they were just as wet, then licked all her juice of them, keeping his eyes on her face as much as was possible.

"You make the sexiest faces, you know that?" He couldn't help commenting.

"No, I don't, actually. I've never looked at myself. In case you haven't noticed, there isn't a mirror in here." She was gasping out each word, disbelieving that a man could cause this reaction in her entire body.

"You should have one." He went back down between her legs, this time entering her with his tongue and making her squeal, and hit him for torturing her so long. She felt his tongue move as his fingers had, stroking her, and she writhed around, arching her hips as though that hard cock she'd felt earlier was already inside of her. She was desperate for an orgasm, and as his tongue came out of her and he stood up, she could see he was too. They were both close.

She hooked her legs around him and pulled him down the bed on top of her, kissing his mouth and driving her tongue in to meet his, tasting herself as she did so. She stroked her tongue over his feeling it wrap around her own, not wanting to remain idle.

"_Now_," she whispered. Then louder, "I need it now!" And before he could tease her further, she reached down and grabbed it in both hands. He was startled, but it only showed for a second. He gently removed her hands, which had begun to wander up and down the hard length. Then he positioned himself, and drove deep inside her.

She cried out in sheer ecstasy; no more waiting. All the years of waiting, done. He pumped her slowly at first and she pushed her hips up to meet him, crying at him to go faster. Always faster. He obliged her, and they moved together in a rhythm of their own. Harder and harder, faster and faster, her legs wrapping around him, her nails digging into his back, and always her cries, her moans, her screams, mixing with his own, louder the closer they got to orgasm.

When it was all over, the sun was rising, and, as much as it pained her, she told him he had to leave. Before he did, however, he breathlessly asked her to marry him, and she agreed. He told her he would come back every night.

And so he did, bringing with him, of all things, silk. She used the silk, flimsy though it was, to fashion a ladder, which she planned to use to escape.

The day before she was to escape with her prince, Temperance screwed it all up in a rare moment of intense stupidity. She had noticed over the months that her dress was fitting her rather tightly across her belly, and made mention of it to enchantress Sully when he came to visit her.

This statement threw enchantress Sully into a blind rage. He pulled out his trusty machete and used it to cut off Temperance's insanely long hair, leaving it at about shoulder length, which was actually much more appealing. Then, still furious at Temperance, he cast her out into the woods to fend for herself, staying up in the tower all day, smelling her hair like the obsessed creep he was, and waiting for the unsuspecting prince/MBI agent to arrive.

When he did, he called up as he usually did, and the enchantress let Temperance's hair flow down from the tower. The prince/MBI agent climbed up as usual, but when he got through the window and saw the enchantress, he yelled and threw a hand up over his eyes.

"Either you got really ugly, Temperance, or that's not you!"

"Thought you could steal her away from me, could you? Well, think again." And with that, he pushed the prince/MBI agent out the window. He fell towards a wicked looking pile of thorns 

that had grown around the tower. (Whoa, there! Thorns? I don't think so.) As he was falling, the thorns below magically turned into soft mattresses. The prince/MBI agent bounced onto them, and clambered off, unharmed.

He ran off into the woods, and spent many, many months searching for Temperance. Eventually he found her. She had given birth to twins, and they lived from then on in the woods, happily ever after, as a family.

**A/N: That one got a little long! I blame the smut. Hope you liked it. I wasn't originally going to put smut in any of these, but reading the original fairytale, I noted that she does become pregnant by him; and we all know how that happens! It was too perfect to pass up! Also, an apology to all you who like Sully. He and Booth may be buddies, but you know Booth was jealous of him and Brennan, and in dreams, your mind runs away with you! Please R&R and thank you!! Next up is the 3 little pigs…or the 3 little squints as the case may be!**


	4. Zach Ugly Duckling

**A/N: I know, I know, I said the next one would be 3 little pigs, but this idea presented itself the moment I woke up (far too early) and since I'm a Zach maniac all the way, I just had to get it posted. I promise 3 little pigs will be next; hopefully posted tonight or tomorrow. I do have a speech on Tuesday for a class that I have to prepare for, so my updates will taper off for a few days, maybe, while I do that. Just so you know I haven't dropped off the face of the earth! This is based on the Hans Christian Andersen tale, suggested by moi, and is Zach dreaming The Ugly Duckling. Not really funny, but I wanted to post it anyway. In fact, it's kinda sad. And short, cause the tale isn't all that long. Enjoy!!**

**Zach-The Ugly Duckling**

Once upon a time, there was a mother duck who had 5 ducklings. Four were what was considered normal; cute and fluffy. There were 2 boys, who were exceptionally good looking and socially accepted for the most part, and 2 girls, who were both beautiful and intelligent.

The 5th, however, had intelligence that was far beyond anything most people had ever seen, making him socially unacceptable because he had trouble doing simple tasks and couldn't relate 

well to other animals. He often confused his mother, and one brother in particular, with his use of long, technical, words. This caused the brother to make fun of him constantly, and make him feel like he didn't belong in his own family.

He was also very awkward and quite ugly; he was larger, and gray, with a big bill, big feet, and was less fluffy than the rest. This, too, caused him to be more of an outsider.

The older the duckling got, the worse it became. His brother tortured him mercilessly, and finally, the ugly, intelligent duckling had enough. He ran away to his neighbor's barn and was taken in by a mother hen.

Unfortunately, it didn't last. He confused and irritated her too much, and she cast him out for making her feel stupid all the time. He left the farm, and became a wanderer, for no one else would take him in.

Winter arrived, and the duckling sought shelter underneath a large tree by a pond. He knew very well it wasn't the best place to spend the winter, but he didn't have much choice. He was found by an old dog, nearly frozen to death by the pond. She took pity on him, and brought him back to live with her.

The old dog was both hard of hearing and eyesight, so she couldn't see or hear the duckling clearly. His language couldn't confuse her because she couldn't hear it, and she couldn't see how ugly he was.

The duckling stayed with the old dog for a long time, growing older until he reached adulthood. He learned a lot from her, particularly how to relate to animals of average intelligence. But he began to feel incredibly guilty about burdening the old dog.

It was high time he left to burden the rightful animals; his family.

He set off for home, stopping along the way to admire the beautiful swans as they went about their lives, swimming on the pond. If only he could be a beautiful swan. That would show his family. He stepped closer to the pond's edge to observe the swans more closely. They were so graceful. As he did so, he noticed his reflection in the pond.

He was a swan!! He looked magnificiant! A new confidence went through him, and he found he couldn't get home fast enough.

When he reached home, he encountered his other brother, the one who hadn't been all that mean to him, busy examining a colony of beetles that had taken up residence in the yard. This brother had always had a thing for bugs.

Glancing up, he noticed the ugly duckling, and said, "Who are you?"

"It is I, your brother Zach, returned home at last!"

The brother exclaimed, "Dude, you look so different! You look…good." He was incredulous at the transformation the ugly duckling had gone through; from gawky, ugly, and awkward to a handsome, graceful swan.

"Thank you brother Hodgins. Where's brother Booth? And our sisters?"

"They're all inside the barn…man, they're gonna be so surprised!"

"And what of our mother?"

"She died last year," came the sad reply.

The young man was saddened to hear the news, but trooped up to the little house, along with brother Hodgins,opening the door, and greeting his other siblings.

"It is I, your lost brother Zach, returned home from my wandering!"

His sisters rushed to him.

"Brother Zach!! We missed you so much!!" They pulled back and looked at him.

"Wow, the village girls are gonna be all over you. There's a girl I think you'd like. Her name is Naomi. I'll introduce you; I'll take care of everything," one of his sisters said.

"Hello sister Temperance," he said to his other sister.

"Hello, Brother Zach. It's good to have you back. But, you really shouldn't have left."

"I had to." At this statement, he looked at his other brother, who was hanging back in the shadows.

"Greetings, brother Booth."

"Greetings brother Zach." He cleared his throat and came forward.

"Obviously you've changed a lot, and well, you seem normal, and you don't look like you were beaten with an ugly stick anymore, so…I guess…it's good to have you back."

The young swan allowed himself a grin, and embraced his brother. The five siblings lived together from that moment on, and were very happy together in the barn, especially the young swan named Zach, who had once been an ugly duckling.

**A/N: Not my usual fare, but thanks for bearing with me. I just felt this was a good one for Zach, although I find him anything but ugly. Maybe the reason it was lacking wacky content was because it was written in the morning? Interesting thought, but I'm rambling. Hope you liked it, regardless of its being different. I'll be back with normal, crazy fairytales soon!**


	5. Hodgins 3 Little Pigs

**A/N: Ok, so I promised to have 3 little pigs up asap, and this is me delivering on that! This is just based on the tale as I heard it, with a few changes. I don't really have a base for it. So, this is Hodgins dreaming the 3 little pigs, suggested by Megan Nichole and Montreal Squint. Enjoy!!**

**Hodgins-3 little pigs**

There was once a mother who raised four squints. The three oldest were anxious to get out into the real world, since their mother was incredibly overbearing and treated them like children. The youngest opted to stay with her because he liked being babied. He was weird anyway.

So the handsome squint and his two sisters headed out to make lives for themselves. The first built herself a house of straw, figuring it was the logical choice because it was plentiful and cheap.

The second squint made her house out of sticks because she could paint the sticks pretty colors and really use her artistic abilities.

Their brother built his house out of bricks, because…well, duh. Think about it for a second. They're _bricks_ man. They'll hold up against pretty much anything.

They lived quite happily, right next door to each other, visiting back and forth all the time. But the handsome squint had a secret. He was growing a certain plant in his house. A plant that was illegal. He was growing it to sell and make some extra money.

Don't look at me like that. You're judging. Bricks aren't the cheapest thing in the world. They're not lying around like straw, and they don't literally grow on trees like sticks. What's a guy to do?

Anyway, business was booming for the squint, and soon he had a huge house that dwarfed those of his sisters.

Now, there was a certain snoopy FBI (fairytale bureau of investigation) agent who had noticed the home renovations that were going on at the squint's house, and he got suspicious. He really needed to mind his own business, but it wasn't in his nature. He had to go poking around. So, he 

decided that if anyone would know about any illegal activity the handsome squint was engaging in, his sisters would.

So one day, he went to the house of the oldest sister, and knocked at the door.

"Who is it?"

"It is I, Booth, with the fairytale bureau of investigation. I need to question you about your brother."

"Oh. Well, I'm not sure why he chose to stay with our mother. He's always been a little bit different, but I think that's because I accidentally dropped him on his head when I was holding him as a baby…"

"Not that brother. Geez. Your older brother. The one with the big-ass house."

"I'm not obligated to tell you anything."

"Oh, yes you are! Now, open up and let me in!"

"I don't think so. And anyway, there's nothing to tell."

The agent pounded on the straw door.

"Let me in or I'll blow this house down!"

"I'll never let you in! Not even if you were that hot FBI agent I saw in the village the other day when I was out selling bone necklaces."

"Wait a minute; that was you?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm the hot FBI agent."

Don't ask me why I'm having a dream that includes the attraction between Brennan and Booth, cause I don't have an answer for that. I think I'm spending too much time with Angela.

There was a pause. Then, "I'm still not letting you in. Blood is thicker than lemonade, as they say."

"It's water, actually. Blood's thicker than water. And I warned you." And with that, he blew at the little house as hard as he could.

Nothing happened.

What did you think? That the house would come crashing down? Yea, right; that's impossible.

He tried again; still nothing.

"I'm waiting," the sister called in a taunting sing-song voice.

Finally realizing that attempting to blow the house down wasn't going to work, the agent just kicked the thing down. It took him awhile, but he did it.

The sister threw a femur she had lying around at him, and used the distraction to run to her sister's stick house next door. As though that would be enough protection. The practical thing to do would have been to just round up her sister, and both of them go to their brother's house. But I guess the oldest sister wanted her sister to know the feeling of being homeless.

The two crouched inside the stick house, and waited for the inevitable door pounding. It came, along with Agent Booth's voice.

"Don't make this any harder than it has to be. Both of you just come on out, and talk to me about your brother, and everything will be just fine."

The oldest shook her head at her younger sister, who called back, "We're not letting you in, and there's no way we're coming out. We're not going to rat out our brother!"

"Suit yourself." Booth kicked at the brightly colored stick house. Nothing happened. Sticks are slightly tougher than straw, apparently. Frustrated, he ran off to the village and rented a 

bulldozer, which took all the money in his checking account, cause he'd wasted most of it the other day buying bone necklaces from the oldest sister.

The bulldozer rammed into the house of sticks, turning it into a pile of wood. The two sisters stood amongst the mess; the younger in tears. That house had been her masterpiece. The oldest grabbed her sister's hand and the two (finally) ran to their brother's brick mansion.

Agent Booth drove the bulldozer in front of the brick mansion, and yelled at the brother and two sisters to come out for questioning.

"No, we won't let you come in, not by the hair on our chinny chin chins," the brother proclaimed.

His sisters glared at him. "Hey, speak for yourself! I, for one, have no hair on my chinny chin chin," the younger said indignantly.

"Sorry."

"You'd better be."

"All right, that's it!" Booth had had enough. He was about ready to ram the brick mansion, when the owner of the bulldozer rental agency showed up. He explained that the check Booth had written out had bounced, and that he was taking the bulldozer back. Apparently, he'd purchased more bone necklaces than he'd thought.

Now bulldozer-less, Booth had to figure out another way to get to the squints. Never being one to learn his lesson, he tried blowing it down. He almost passed out from the effort. Next, he tried to kick it, hurting his foot in the process.

Angry now, he stared up at the roof of the mansion, and his eyes fell on the chimney. Of course! He went back into the village and wrote out another bad check for some climbing equipment. He still had a little bit of time before the check bounced and the equipment would be taken back.

He scaled the wall of the brick mansion, not having the slightest clue that the squints were boiling some water in the fireplace.

Reaching the chimney, he heard the owner of the mansion call up, "That you Booth?"

"No. It's Santa," the agent called down.

"Oh, please. It's April, and you've been trying to get at us all day. How stupid do you think we are?"

"Pretty stupid to build such flimsy houses!"

"Hey, come down here and say that to my face!" The oldest sister called out.

With that, Agent Booth slid down the chimney. He got stuck in a couple of places, but managed to get all the way down, falling into the pot of water, which wasn't boiling yet; just really really hot!

He let out a scream, and leaped out of the pot. He headed straight for the door, eager to just get the hell out of there, and find a cold pond. He failed to notice the other kind of pot, sitting in the window, waiting to add more to the squint's already vast fortune.

Once the agent was out of the way, the three stayed in the brother's house, living happily ever after.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it!! Let me know. Next up will Hansel and Gretel. I have no idea when I'll post for sure, just cause I need to work on my speech, but I'll have it up as soon as I can. Thank you!!**


	6. Angela Hansel and Gretel

**A/N: All right, here's another one!! At my end A/N I'll post a tentative order for these. I'm trying to go in the order they were suggested, but it depends on which person's dreaming it. I don't want to have, for example, 3 Brennan dreams in a row. And who's dreaming, if the person who suggested it doesn't specify, depends upon who I think would fit it best. I also threw a couple of my own in the list. That said, this was requested by RavennaNightwind. It's based on the Brothers Grimm version (gotta love those two). Please excuse the beginning (you'll see what I mean, and don't worry, it gets fixed.) So, here's Angela dreaming Hansel and Gretel. Enjoy!**

**Angela-Hansel and Gretel**

Once upon a time a family lived in the forest. They were very poor because the father was an agent with the FBI (Forest Bureau of Investigation) and there wasn't much activity to investigate in the forest. There were two children named Hansel and Gretel.

What?! Hansel and Gretel?! What kinds of names are those? Forget that. The children's names were Jack and Angela. They also lived with their stepmother, who had never liked them, but just wanted to get her claws into their father, who was very easy on the eyes.

They were short on food and the stepmother approached the children's father.

"Seeley, we're running out of food. We need to do something. I think you should lead the children out into the forest and leave them there. That way we only have to feed ourselves."

"Don't call me Seeley, Camille. And perhaps you're right. As much as I love my children, there's no other way."

Clearly the children's father was under some weird mind control. Who in their right mind would do something like that?

At any rate, Jack had overheard the entire conversation, and told Angela what was going to go down the next day.

"Ange, our stepmother is hatching a conspiracy to get rid of us, and she's suckered Dad into it."

Angela was shocked and became quite frightened.

"What are we going to do? I don't know my way around the forest. How will we find our way back?"

"Don't worry. I got it covered."

After everyone was in bed, Jack snuck out to the cupboard and took one of the last pieces of bread in the house.

He figured his stepmother would eat the rest. She was a total pig at times, although she liked to hide it from her family. She really was kind of a bitch. Maybe being abandoned in the forest wouldn't be so bad after all.

The next morning, the father, with a heavy heart, led the children out into the woods. The stepmother bid them goodbye sweetly, knowing she would never see them again. Jack glared at her.

"Get away from me you evil pig-witch!"

Angela snickered, and even their father smiled.

"Just go!" stepmother Cam ordered. The little group trudged out into the forest.

The poor father led his children deeper and deeper into the forest, and Jack dropped a breadcrumb every so often to mark their trail. When they stopped to rest, the FBI agent looked around.

"Children, I'm going to have a look around to make sure there's nothing here to worry about. I'll be right back."

The children, not being idiots, knew full well that he wouldn't be coming back. They waited a little while, and Jack searched for the breadcrumb trail. It was gone.

"Hey, what happened to my trail of breadcrumbs?"

Maybe one was an idiot after all.

"_Breadcrumbs_ Jack?! You left a trail of breadcrumbs? How stupid can you be? There are animals in this forest! They _ate_ your stupid breadcrumb trail!" Angela punched Jack in the shoulder, and leaned against a tree to pout.

After a while, though, a smell wafted to them on the breeze. It smelled like gingerbread and peppermint.

"Do you smell that?" Jack asked.

"If it's gingerbread and peppermint, I sure do!"

"I'll tell you what it is; it's food!" Jack yelled, and took off in the direction of the wonderful smell. Angela followed after him. She wasn't a big fan of junk food, but they hadn't had anything to eat in awhile.

They came into a clearing and saw a house made up of gingerbread, candy canes, and other sweets. They ran the remaining distance and immediately began tearing pieces out of the walls to eat.

What they didn't know was that the house was owned by a young, beautiful witch. This witch doubled as a scientist and she was performing an experiment about the effects of eating human flesh. She was just curious, you see. Since she lived in the middle of nowhere, she had built the house in order to lure children there to use in her experiment.

Hearing Jack and Angela, she came to the front door, and opened it, startling them so that Jack began to choke on his gingerbread.

Angela pounded him on the back, dislodging the item from his throat and did the talking while he stood there, gasping for breath.

"Who are you?"

"My name's Temperance. I'm a scientist."

"If you're a scientist, then why do you live out here? It would make more sense to live in the village." Angela began to get the feeling that she was surrounded by morons.

"I'm also a witch."

In one swift movement, the scientist/witch threw a net over both children and dragged them into the house. She locked Jack in a cage, deciding that he looked like the tastier of the two. Unfortunately, he was far too skinny, so she would have to fatten him up before cooking him.

"Hmm, now what should I do with you?" she thought aloud, looking at a terrified Angela, who let out a sudden sneeze from all the dust floating around the house.

"Of course! I never have time to clean around here. I'll just put you to work." She handed Angela a broom and a dustrag. "Now, get started while I cook for your starving brother."

The scientist/witch made some macaroni and cheese and brought the plate to Jack. Angela eyed it hungrily, surprised that it looked so good, but none was given to her. Jack wolfed it down, proclaiming that it was the best thing he'd ever eaten.

"You're right, it is the best! None have ever been able to resist my macaroni and cheese!" The scientist/witch indulged in an evil laugh which was choked by the dust floating around. She coughed several times and glared at Angela. "Get to work! What do you think I'm paying you for?"

"You're not paying me," Angela reminded, still afraid for her brother. She had quickly figured out what the scientist/witch was up to because, while sweeping the floor, she had swept up many small bones, which she was sure were human.

The days went by, and the scientist/witch made more and more macaroni and cheese for Jack, who steadily gained weight as he was never allowed out of the cage except for bathroom breaks.

Angela was cleaning one day when the scientist/witch decided to see whether Jack was fat enough or not. She told him to stick his finger out of the cage so she feel how pudgy he'd gotten off her macaroni and cheese.

Angela still hadn't gotten to the dusting and the breeze from an open window blew a cloud of it directly into the scientist/witch's eyes. They began to water, blurring her vision. Jack saw his 

chance and stuck a nearby finger bone through the cage bars. The scientist/witch reached out for it.

"It's as though you haven't gained any weight at all!" she said angrily. "Well, I've waited long enough. I'm getting the oven ready!" She pointed at Angela. "You come with me. You can help."

Angela followed the scientist/witch to the large oven in the corner of the house.

"Ok, I want you to get in there first, to make sure it's big enough for your brother."

Angela eyed the oven skeptically, and decided to play dumb.

"I'm not sure I know how. Could you show me?"

"Stupid girl! It's easy; just like this." The scientist/witch stepped into the oven, and Angela swung it shut, putting the bar across it, locking it. She didn't turn it on because nobody deserves that, no matter how warped they are.

She ran to Jack's cage and let him out. He waddled after her to the door, and Angela was just about to go through it when they heard the sound of faint sobbing.

It was coming from the oven. The scientist/witch was crying!

Curious, Angela approached the oven and asked what was wrong. Jack stayed by the door. He'd become a little out of breath between the cage and the front door and decided to take a rest.

The scientist/witch told Angela that she was very lonely, and had started her crazy experiment to pass the time. She'd been scientifically curious about the effect of eating human flesh. It hadn't been anything personal against anyone. The people had died in the name of science, and she certainly wasn't evil.

Angela grew sad listening to the tale. It would get lonely out here, all alone, with no one to talk to. She took pity on the scientist/witch, and asked if she wanted to come live with them. If nothing else, maybe she could protect them against awful stepmother Cam. She let the scientist/witch out of the oven and the two went back to Jack.

"One problem Angela. We still don't know how to get home," Jack reminded her.

"Where do you live?" the scientist/witch asked.

"We live on the other side of the forest," Angela explained.

"Well, let's just go, and navigate our way through. We can take our time," the scientist/witch suggested, and they left, Jack's backpack full of pieces of the gingerbread house. The going was slow because of Jack, and they wandered for many days, making their way through the forest.

At long last, Angela let out a happy squeal. Their little cottage was now visible. Angela ran the rest of the way, the scientist/witch and Jack behind her. She flung the door open and ran straight into the arms of her surprised father.

"Angela, you're back!! This has made me so happy! Is Jack with you?"

"Yea, I'm right here." Jack came puffing into the cottage. His father looked at him.

"Wow, you've really let yourself go, son. What happened?"

"A lot of really, really good macaroni and cheese," Jack replied.

"Macaroni and cheese? How'd you get macaroni and cheese?"

"I made it for him." The scientist/witch stepped into the cottage.

The FBI agent's eyes grew wide. She was beautiful.

When he had recovered the ability to speak, he told the children that their stepmother had been hurled from a bridge by a mob of angry village people. Apparently, she had tried to sell them some bad vegetables at the farmer's market from her bug-infested garden.

The children were beyond thrilled with this turn of events. The scientist/witch stayed with them, and eventually became their new stepmother. The forest turned into a popular place for illegal activity, from drug dealing to prostitution, and the father was suddenly very busy with his job, making a lot of money. They lived happily ever after.

**A/N: I wrote half of this during the day and half at night, so I don't know…Anyways, please R&R and thank you!! The tentative list is as follows:**

**Cinderella**

**Chicken Little**

**The Wizard of Oz**

**Jack and the Beanstalk**

**Goldilocks and the 3 bears**


	7. Brennan Cinderella

**A/N: It's been forever since I updated this, and since I'm still laid up, I decided to write another one. This one is Brennan dreaming Cinderella; with the Charles Perrault version as a base. Suggested by mumrulz. Enjoy!**

**Brennan-Cinderella**

In a village far away, there lived a girl named Temperance, whose father had died, leaving her in the care of her wicked stepmother, Dr. Saroyan. Dr. Saroyan had two daughters of her own, who looked exactly like her. Their names were Cam and Camille (The stepmother was not very creative when it came to naming her children).

They were mean to Temperance, forcing her to become their maid. She did all the cleaning, cooking, and waited on them hand and foot. She was made to wear rags and out of fashion hand-

me-downs. At night she slept in the cinders of the fire, which caused her to always have a dirty appearance.

But Temperance was quite bright, and after the stepsisters had gone to bed, she read by candlelight. Unfortunately, there weren't that many books in the house, and certainly not any of intellectual merit.

All she could find to read were fairytales. She read story after story of helpless girls who didn't do anything to help themselves, only waiting for some _prince_ to come along and sweep them off their feet.

The whole thing disgusted her, for she favored strong women who made their own way, not depending on men. Still, if she were to somehow find a man, well, you wouldn't catch her complaining, as long as he knew his place and didn't try to take possession of her. She wanted to remain her own person no matter what. And if he could take her away from her stepfamily, well, she wouldn't complain about that either. She could go to a university that way, and make her dreams of being a scientist come true.

She did want to get away from them since they treated her so badly, but it just wasn't practical right now. She was young, and she had no money and no friends to stay with until she got on her feet. She'd just have to bide her time.

The next day, Cam and Camille received an invitation from the palace. The prince was throwing a ball, a two evening affair, at which he would select a wife. Temperance snorted at this.

The prince would most likely pick a woman on the basis of looks alone, since two evenings was really not enough time to get to know someone and determine that you wanted to marry them. She'd gotten the feeling that all men were shallow, and the prince was so far not making her change her mind. Even so, she wanted to go, if only to get out of the house for awhile, to do something other than an errand in the village.

While her stepsisters were trying on clothes, she approached them. "Cam? Camille? I was wondering if I might accompany you to the ball."

Cam and Camille burst out laughing. "You?! You don't even have anything to wear! You think the prince would even be interested in you, showing up in rags?"

Temperance had to admit they were probably right. Even if she were interested in snagging a husband, the stupid shallow prince would see what she had on, take in her rumpled appearance, and not give her a second look. God, she hated him already, and she hadn't even met him!

"Besides," Camille continued. "You have tons of chores to do. Mother will never let you go in a million years!"

Again, she thought that her stepsister was right. There was no way she'd be able to go to the ball. She sighed, and made her way downstairs to do some sweeping, leaving her stepsisters to get ready for the ball.

That evening, Dr. Saroyan saw both her daughters off to the ball. Temperance lurked in the corner of the front room, watching. Both girls looked lovely. Dr. Saroyan was positive that one of them would catch the prince's eye. Temperance watched them go out to their carriage, trying to swallow the feeling of jealousy that was creeping up on her. Petty jealousy was beneath her. She was a better person than that.

She left her corner and went outside to take out the trash. She was just finishing up putting the bags in the cans when there was a flash of light behind her. Temperance whirled around and there was a woman standing there in a short, low cut dress with fishnet stockings and high heels.

"Uh…excuse me, but this is private property. You're going to have to leave." Temperance eyed the woman's outfit again and said, "And, by the way, what you're doing is illegal in this village. 

I understand you need to make a living, but this really isn't the way to do it. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to report you to the VBI (village bureau of investigation)."

The woman put a hand on her hip. "You think I'm a…oh…I don't think so, girlie. I'm Angela, your fairy godsister."

"My what?"

"You heard me. I'm here to make sure you look as good as me when you go to that ball of yours."

Temperance eyed Angela's outfit again. "Ok, but maybe not _quite _as good as you."

"Fine. Let's get down to business. First, the outfit." She waved her wand, and Temperance's rags were transformed into a tight, skimpy red leather dress, complete with stiletto heels.

Angela looked her over approvingly. "I like it. What do you think?" She held up a mirror, and Temperance frowned at the heavy eye shadow and bright red lipstick.

"Well, I was kind of hoping for a little more glamour and a little less street corner."

Angela shrugged. "If you insist. It's your party." She waved the wand again, and the hooker outfit became a gorgeous blue ball gown with a modest neckline.

"This is nice. Thank you," Temperance said, lifting the skirt a bit so she could see the glass slippers on her feet.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like it. Here." She held up the mirror again so Temperance could see. Her makeup and hair looked perfect. In fact, she looked like an entirely different person.

"All right. Now, you need some wheels." Angela looked around and her eyes settled on a pumpkin. She pointed at it. "There."

"A pumpkin? I don't think that's logical. It's much too small for me and really won't get me anywhere."

"Geez, have a little patience already! I haven't worked my magic yet!" She waved her wand again and the pumpkin became a beautiful carriage. Temperance ran over to it and ran her hand along the side.

"It's great…but it needs horses."

"Ok, hang on, I'm looking," Angela glanced around and her eyes fell on some mice near the trash cans. She had to get them over to the carriage. But they were mice.

"Hey sweetie?" She called to Temperance.

"Yes?"

"Do you think you could move the mice over in front of the carriage? I really don't like mice."

Temperance moved the mice as asked and watched as Angela waved her wand, transforming them into horses. From there, she turned a rat into a driver, and a lizard into a footman; both of which Temperance had to move. Angela didn't like rodents or reptiles.

"Well, I think you're all set. Did I forget anything?" Angela looked around.

"Nope, everything looks good. Thank you again. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate all this."

Angela gave Temperance a hug. "No problem sweetie; just doing my job. Oh, wait, I did forget something. My magic will wear off at midnight, and everything will turn back to the way it was before, so make sure you get out of there before then. Also, everything will transform again at the same time tomorrow night, and go back at midnight. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good, now go off and have a good time. Bag that prince for me!"

Temperance made a face. "I don't think I want him. I haven't met him, but he seems incredibly conceited and shallow and…" Angela pushed her over to the carriage and the footman held out a hand to help her inside, but she didn't take it, and climbed in, still complaining about the prince she'd never met. Angela shook her head, grinning, and vanished.

The carriage arrived at the palace, and Temperance climbed out, again ignoring the footman's help. She lifted her long skirt, and marched up the steps to the palace. She entered the ballroom and the first things she noticed were her stepsisters, hanging all over a man she assumed to be the prince.

God, they were pathetic! He couldn't be _that_ great. And he looked exactly how she had expected him to look. Very, very, _very _good. So good, in fact, that she figured he must have an ego as big as the palace. Definitely not her type. But, on the other hand, she really should give him the benefit of the doubt. And perhaps she only thought he looked good because of the distance. He was most likely very unappealing up close.

She moved to the other side of the ballroom, ignoring the occasional dance invitation. The closer she got, the better he looked. She stopped when she was right in front of him. Her stepsisters were giggling at everything he said. Temperance rolled her eyes. The prince glanced in her direction, looked away, then did a double take. He walked away from Cam and Camille who looked absolutely shocked. They had no idea who she was.

The prince came up to her and offered her his hand. She didn't take it, only stared at him.

"Hello, and just who might you be?" He gave her what she could only describe as a charm smile. Oh, give me a break. That might work on other women, but it was certainly not going to work on her.

"I just met you. I don't feel comfortable giving you any personal information at this time."

He looked confused by her statement. Apparently he wasn't used to being talked to that way. His smile vanished for a half second before coming back, just as bright as before, if not more so. It was a nice smile by anyone's standards, but Temperance wasn't interested. Not in the slightest. She nodded her head resolutely. No, she was absolutely not going to fall for him.

"Ok, well my name's Booth."

"Just because you tell me your name doesn't mean I'll tell you mine."

Fine. If you won't tell me your name, will you at least give me a dance?"

She thought for a moment, then placed her gloved hand in his. "I suppose there's no harm in that." He led her to the dance floor, and put his arms around her waist. As they danced, Temperance could feel his hands venturing lower.

"Hey! I never gave you permission to grope me! Cut it out, or I can promise you one thing: you may get married, but you will never have children."

His hands immediately moved back up to her waist. "Thank you, that's better." She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was half past eleven. She was getting tired. She put her head on the prince's shoulder so he wouldn't see her yawning. That would have been rude. She didn't move her head though. The material of his shirt was so soft, much softer than anything her head had rested on recently.

The prince seemed to get the wrong idea however and lifted her head up. He stared at her for a moment, then kissed her. She pulled away and slapped him in the face. She could have done it a lot harder than she did, but subconsciously she didn't want to inflict any lasting damage on that face. She turned away from him and ran off. It was almost midnight anyhow.

Prince Booth watched her go. He liked her. She was playing hard-to-get, but that was just fine by him. He liked a challenge. Hopefully, she'd come back tomorrow night, and he'd find out who she was.

Temperance raced into the carriage and ordered the driver to take her home. After they'd reached the house, the clock struck midnight and everything changed back, leaving Temperance with a pumpkin, rags, and various small animals. She went inside and sat in front of the fireplace, which served as her bedroom. She couldn't get that stupid prince out of her head. Maybe he wasn't so bad. She'd go back to the ball tomorrow night. Perhaps she could get to know him a bit better.

She listened as her stepsisters arrived home and told Dr. Saroyan all about the mystery girl that the prince had shown favor to. She smiled to herself, knowing that they were talking about her. Cam and Camille told their mother how the prince had been asking around to see if he could find out who the girl was. He wants her, they said, obviously disappointed at the prince's choice.

_He wants me?_, Temperance thought to herself. That was nice. No, it was more than nice. It was wonderful! She had to give in to the thoughts sitting at the back of her mind. She was interested in him, based solely on looks. She was such a hypocrite!

Oh well, it was still a good thing. He was probably an all right person and he had money. If they were to get together, she could go to a university and make something of herself. Yes, this could work out all right. She went to sleep, imagining getting her PhD, and being a successful scientist…with a well structured prince at her side as a bonus.

The next day, Temperance hurried through her chores, and after her stepsisters had left, headed out back to await her transformation. After everything was ready, she jumped into the carriage, again foregoing the footman's assistance.

Once they arrived at the palace, she hurried up the stairs and immediately sought out Prince Booth. She found him quickly, pleased that her stepsisters weren't hanging on his every word tonight. In fact, she spotted them sulking in a corner, looking defeated. Temperance savored her victory, and made her way to the prince.

"I'm so glad you came back tonight! I thought you wouldn't come at all," The prince told her excitedly taking her hand and leading her to a table. "Listen, I need to apologize for last night. I shouldn't have done that."

"Well, I shouldn't have hit you, so I need to apologize as well."

"Do you wanna start over?" he asked her hopefully.

Temperance nodded. "I'd like that, but I'm still not telling you my name."

He smiled at her, and she was glad she was sitting down. His smile was getting to her, much to her consternation.

"That's fine. You can tell me when you're ready. So, tell me about yourself; other than your name of course. What are you interested in?"

It was the beginning of a wonderful conversation. They talked and talked and Temperance discovered that he actually wasn't so bad, once she got to know him. He was, in reality, rather nice, and by the end of their conversation, she realized she liked him, and wasn't at all doubtful or frustrated about it.

"Since I ruined our dance last night, can we do that over?" the prince asked her.

Temperance smiled. "That sounds good." She allowed him to take her hand again and they began to dance. She leaned her head on his shoulder again and this time was happy to note that he kept his hands at her waist. It was all perfect. She lifted her head and found herself staring into beautiful brown eyes. Their faces moved closer and closer together and right before their lips met the clock began striking midnight.

Temperance gasped and pulled away quickly. Prince Booth looked hurt.

"I'm sorry, I thought you…"

She cut him off. "It's not you. You're fine. I just really need to go. Now." And with that, she took off, going down the steps as quickly as she could. Prince Booth stood there in shock for a moment, absorbing what had just happened. Then he shook himself out of it and ran after her.

Of course, she was already long gone; he'd been standing there like a moron for so long, but she'd left something behind. On one of the steps sat one of her glass slippers. He vowed that, starting tomorrow, he'd search the village for her. He'd find her if it was the last thing he ever did.

The next day, he set off with his squire, Sir Hodgins, going from house to house with the slipper, having every girl try it on. After they'd left the first few houses, Sir Hodgins felt the need to say something. He cleared his throat loudly.

"Umm, your highness? Just a thought, but has it occurred to you that maybe more than one girl in the village wears this size shoe?"

As a matter of fact, it hadn't occurred to him. But he couldn't let Sir Hodgins know that. He thought quickly.

"Of course I realized that. But, only one girl will have the mate to this slipper. And that'll be her."

Sir Hodgins chuckled under his breath. "I can't believe you couldn't even get her to give you her name!"

The prince glared at him, but otherwise ignored the comment.

They kept going, and by the end of the day Prince Booth was getting irritated. The slipper had fit several of the girls in the village, but he was sure none of them was the girl he was looking for. Plus, none of them could come up with the other slipper. They came to another house as twilight was beginning to descend on the village.

"This is the last house we'll hit today. We'll go back out tomorrow morning."

"Whatever you say dude," Sir Hodgins said, then cringed under the prince's harsh stare. "I mean, as you wish, your highness."

Sir Hodgins knocked on the door and Dr. Saroyan answered. The prince and Sir Hodgins were instantly invited inside.

"Cam, Camille, get down here now! The prince is here with a slipper for you both to try on!"

Sir Hodgins cleared his throat and looked at Dr. Saroyan.

"And his squire is here too," she added, not bothering to raise her voice.

"Thank you," Sir Hodgins smiled. He deserved some recognition. Being the prince's squire wasn't the best job in the world.

The girls thundered down the stairs, and Temperance came into the front room from the kitchen, where she'd been sweeping. Dr. Saroyan noticed her and shooed her back in the kitchen. Temperance had heard everything. He was here, and he was looking for _her_. She thought his idea of having all the girls in the village try on the slipper was pretty stupid though. She was sure she 

couldn't be the only one in the village who wore that size shoe. But, she realized, she _was_ the only one who had the other slipper. She'd arrived home the previous night, only to discover that she had one slipper, and that the one she had hadn't transformed. A gift from her fairy godsister.

Camille tried the slipper on first, but her foot was much too big. Both Prince Booth and Sir Hodgins cringed as they watched her attempt to cram her massive hoof into the average sized slipper.

Finally, Sir Hodgins had had enough. "Ok, next one please."

It was Cam's turn, but she had the same problem as her sister.

"Ok, that's enough…please…really." Sir Hodgins had to pull the slipper away from Cam. He then turned to Dr. Saroyan. "Anyone else? Cause I don't know about you, but I have had one hell of a long day!"

"No, there's no one else," Dr. Saroyan said.

Temperance watched desperately. She couldn't let the chance for a good life pass her by. She confidently stepped into the front room.

"Pardon me, but I'd like to try the slipper on please."

Prince Booth peered intently at the servant girl. He was sure she couldn't be the one he was looking for, but there was something so familiar about her. He nodded to Sir Hodgins, who handed her the slipper. To her stepfamily's horror, Temperance slipped the shoe on. Of course, it fit perfectly.

The prince took a deep breath. Now, if only she had the matching slipper. "The shoe does fit, but do you have the other one?" he asked.

Temperance reached into the pocket of her apron, and pulled out the other slipper. "You mean this?"

Booth nodded and gave her that smile, the one that was now making her melt, as much as she didn't want to admit it. He held his hand out to her. "Do you wanna come with me, and live in the palace?"

"Yes, I do." She took his hand and went out to his carriage, leaving her stepfamily behind, with their mouths hanging open. When they were on their way to the palace, she finally told him her name.

"But we're not getting married, at least not yet, so don't get any ideas," she told him, laying down the law. "I still don't know you all that well, and two days is not nearly enough time."

"That's fine by me."

They arrived at the palace and got Temperance settled. She went to the village university, eventually getting her doctorate and the prince eventually wore her down enough to agree to marriage. They lived happily ever after.

**A/N: Whoa, talk about long!! I hope you all liked it. As always, thanks for reading!**


	8. Booth Chicken Little

**A/N: I was inspired for one reason or another to start the next fairytale. It's late, which means this one's gonna probably be weird! This one's my own suggestion. Booth dreaming Chicken Little, using the fable 'The Sky is Falling' as a base, with the usual tweaking. Chicken Little is almost always depicted as a girl in these stories, but in the Disney cartoon, he's a boy; plus, I can do whatever the hell I want!! laughs evilly Enjoy!!**

**Booth-Chicken Little**

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a chicken named Boothy-Loothy. (What the hell kind of a name is that? Does it have to rhyme? Fine, if it must rhyme.) He was sitting under his favorite acorn tree, eating his lunch, when all of a sudden, an acorn fell from the tree, conking him on the head.

What he didn't know was that his friend, a hen, Bonesy-Lonesy by name, had done the deed. She didn't do it to be mean, just to have a little fun with him.

Now, if you know anything about chickens, you'll know that they aren't the brightest animals in the world. Having said that, you'll understand why Boothy-Loothy (God, I hate that name. 

Bonesy-Lonesy too. Can't wait to see the rest.) freaked out and jumped to the conclusion that the sky was falling.

If he had just looked up, he would have noticed that the sky was intact and a certain hen he knew was perched in the tree laughing, but instead he thought it was a better idea to run around, flapping his wings and screaming that the world was ending. Like I said, pure, brainless chicken. (Must I be a _chicken_?)

He finally stopped running around like a chicken with its head cut off (Ha!) and decided that he needed to let the higher authorities know. He was after all, an agent with the ABI (Animal Bureau of Investigation). It was his duty. So he set off for headquarters, stopping to tell his smarty pants associates what he knew to be true.

The first he happened upon was Bonesy-Lonesy, who, knowing what really happened, didn't believe a word he said, telling him that was illogical that the sky would fall. She couldn't believe her little prank was working so well, and found it hard to keep from laughing.

"But a piece of it hit me on the head! C'mon Bones…y-Lonesy, you gotta believe me!"

"Where were you at the time?" she asked him in mock seriousness. She knew perfectly well where he'd been.

"Underneath an acorn tree."

Bonesy-Lonesy gave him a Look that meant she couldn't believe how obvious the whole thing was. She was about to tell him exactly what had happened, but in the end, she just couldn't.

She was head over heels for the chicken, although she'd never admit it, and didn't want to point out his complete idiocy. She was stubborn that way. But, one way or another, he'd get it out of her. She couldn't dance around it forever.

At any rate, she joined Boothy-Loothy on his way to HQ, shaking her head and deciding to just play along. He was hot when he got all riled up.

They made their way to Boothy-Loothy's next acquaintance, a duck with the name of (Oh, do I gotta say it?) Hodgie-Lodgie (ugh).

"Hodgie-Lodgie, the sky is falling!! We're on the way to HQ to report it!"

"Oh, I know exactly what's going on! It's all part of the government's plot to control the entire land. By going to HQ, you'll be playing right into their hands. They must have a vendetta against you, man, since you were the latest victim _and _their trusting employee." Hodgie-Lodgie was a bit of a conspiracy freak.

"That's crazy. If there was a vendetta against me, I'd know it. HQ would never do that. Now, are you coming or not?"

"Yea, I'll come along, but only to expose them for the frauds they are! And to hopefully keep you from being a government stooge!"

Bonesy-Lonesy considered letting Hodgie-Lodgie in on her little prank, but ultimately thought it would be a bad idea. He'd probably think she was a part of the government plot.

They continued on to where Bonesy-Lonesy's friend, a goose artist named Ange-Lange (no, that sounds like crap) Angela-Langela (that too…hmm, ok, she's just Goosey-Loosey. She'll never know, right?) Ok, so they go to Goosey-Loosey's and Boothy-Loothy tells her what's going on. She's always been curious to see the higher-ups at HQ in person, having seen their pictures in 

some magazine or other. She thought they were good looking and deserving of a closer look, so she decided to join the group.

From there, they picked up Bonesy-Lonesy's assistant, a turkey called Zackie-Lackie, who just…well there's not a way to describe him. He's just odd. Nothin' more to say. Being Bonesy-Lonesy's assistant, he insisted he come along too. So Boothy-Loothy, Bonesy-Lonesy, Hodgie-Lodgie, Goosey-Loosey, and Zackie-Lackie made their way to HQ.

(These damn names are so confusing to keep straight. Let's review: we have Boothy-Loothy, the good looking ABI agent who's fallen victim to a cruel prank; then there's Bonesy-Lonesy, who keeps denying her love for the aforementioned chicken. She's also the cruel prankster. Next, Hodgie-Lodgie, the weird conspiracy freak. Then there's Goosey-Loosey, the HQ loving artist, and last, Zackie-Lackie, the weirdo assistant of Bonesy-Lonesy. Got all that? I know I do, sort of. Anyway, on with my dream!)

They were almost at HQ when they ran into a fox, Cammie-Lammie, who had an affinity for birds. As in she liked to _eat_ them (Enter scary music). She asked what was going on, and Boothy-Loothy filled her in. She told them that there was no time to go to HQ and that pieces of sky had been falling on her all day. She told them that she knew of a cave where they would all be safe.

Bonesy-Lonesy snorted at this offer. "Please. We know you like to eat birds."

"So?" Cammie-Lammie asked.

"So, we're all birds," Bonesy-Lonesy stated the obvious.

"Oh, my god, you're in on it! You want us all dead so we can't expose the plot!" Hodgie-Lodgie pointed at Cammie-Lammie and took off running, presumably to share his theory with other conspiracy freaks.

"I think I want to go home," Zackie-Lackie stated. He took one look at Cammie-Lammie's sharp teeth and took off in the opposite direction.

"I don't have time for this. The boys at HQ are not getting any younger." Goosey-Loosey skirted around Cammie-Lammie and continued towards HQ.

Cammie-Lammie turned to Boothy-Loothy and Bonesy-Lonesy. "I guess I'll just eat you two then." She started toward Bonesy-Lonesy and grabbed her arm.

"I really wouldn't touch her if I were you," Boothy-Loothy warned her, but it was too late. Bonesy-Lonesy flipped Cammie-Lammie over, slamming her on the ground. Cammie-Lammie lay there for a moment, then got up, and, with a growl, lunged at the hen. This time, Bonesy-Lonesy began throwing kicks and punches. When the dust settled, Cammie-Lammie was dead.

"Uh, Bonesy-Lonesy…" Boothy-Loothy started.

She looked over at him. "You saw it all; it was self-defense."

"Sure was. Let's get going. I bet Ang…er…Goosey-Loosey is already at HQ."

Bonesy-Lonesy suddenly looked guilty. She couldn't keep it from him any longer. The prank and her feelings for him. "Yea, about that whole sky falling thing…"

"What about it?"

"It's not happening."

"I thought you believed me!"

"You know how I know it isn't happening?"

"How?"

"Because that thing that fell on your head wasn't a piece of sky. It was an acorn. Thrown by me."

Hodgie-Lodgie ran past them, hearing the confession, "The truth comes out!! You're in on it!!" He pointed at her and continued running.

"Psycho," Boothy-Loothy muttered and turned back Bonesy-Lonesy. "Why did you do that?"

"I don't know. I was just in the tree, and I saw you down there, and it just happened." She smiled at him. "Forgive me?"

"I don't know. I feel humiliated. The whole town probably thinks I'm as crazy as Hodgie-Lodgie."

"I'll make it up to you."

"How?"

"Like this." She kissed him then, and suddenly all was right with the world. They parted and headed back to the village, walking very close together.

**A/N: Yea, weird, right? Well, the names rhymed in the story, and I wanted to keep that element of it, and it's not a real long fable either, soo…hopefully it passes muster. Thanks for reading!!**


	9. Zach Jack and the Beanstalk

**A/N: I've hit a writer's block of sorts trying to work through 'Wizard of Oz', which was next on my tentative list, so, rather than keep you all waiting even longer for an update, I'm skipping ahead. I'll get back to it as soon as I have it all figured out. Until then, here's Zach dreaming 'Jack and the Beanstalk, suggested by laperkin. No base this time, just how I remember it with some tweaking. Enjoy!**

**Zach- Jack and the Beanstalk**

Once upon a time, a very intelligent young man lived with his mother in a small house near a small village. The young man's name was Jack…no, wait, it was Zach. Despite Zach's capability to accomplish great things, the family was poor. In fact, they owned nothing except one malnourished cow.

They thought about butchering it, but the mother was too feeble to do so, and didn't like the sight the blood, and Zach liked cows. Finally, the mother told Zach to take the cow into the village and sell it.

Zach led the cow into the village but was stopped along the way by a man, who stepped in front of him in the road.

"Hey there! My name's Jack. You look like you're looking for a bargain!" The man knew a sucker when he saw one, and this guy took the cake.

"I'm taking this cow into the village to sell her. My mother and I need the money." Zach was undeterred. Unless Jack had money, he wasn't interested.

"You don't wanna do that. There's all kinds of con artists in the village who'll screw you out of your…cow. What you need to do is hear me out."

"All right, I'll listen to you."

"Great! Now, have I got an offer for you!" He held out his hand. There were five beans in his palm. "I'll give you these five magic beans in exchange for your cow."

"There's no such thing as magic. Those are ordinary beans." Zach poked at one with his finger.

"No, these are actual magic beans; they're very rare."

"So rare, in fact, that they're nonexistent. Magic doesn't exist."

Maybe the kid wasn't as much of a sucker as he'd initially thought. He tried a different tactic.

"All right, if you don't believe me, that's fine. But, look at it this way. You get money for that cow; you and your mother will spend it on bread. You'll eat for a couple of days and then it'll be gone. If you trade the cow for my beans, you can plant them, and have food for much longer than that."

Zach nodded slowly, recognizing the logic in Jack's argument. "I agree. I'll trade you."

They made the trade, and Zach turned around and headed home to his mother. When he walked through the door, he showed her the beans. For reasons beyond his comprehension, she became angry with him, and snatched the beans from him, throwing them out the window.

Zach ran outside and tried to find them, but it was useless. They were gone.

After getting chastised non-stop by his mother for the remainder of the evening, Zach went to sleep. He spent a fitful night dreaming and woke up early the next morning. He looked out the window, and was amazed at what he saw.

There was a huge beanstalk growing up out of the ground! He recalled Jack's earlier claim that the beans were magic. Perhaps magic did exist after all. He wandered outside and stared up at the stalk. He felt the urge to climb it. He was about to do so when he recalled his high school PE days. He couldn't even climb up the rope for the fitness testing. There was no way he could climb up that beanstalk.

He was about to give up and go back to bed when he noticed a door shaped indentation in the base of the beanstalk. He walked over to it, and pushed it with his hand. The door opened and Zach was surprised to see Jack standing in what appeared to be an elevator.

"Magic doesn't exist, huh? Idiot. Get in." Jack motioned impatiently and Zach stepped inside. The door snapped shut and Jack pushed a button. The elevator rose up and up and up, dinging when it reached the top.

"Have fun my man," Jack said, placing a hand, open palm, on Zach's shoulder. Zach smiled at the gesture of approval, and stepped out of the elevator…onto a cloud. He turned back to Jack to ask about the surface beneath his feet but the door had already closed and Jack was gone.

He jumped up and down a few times, and discovered that the cloud supported his weight. He then looked straight ahead and noted the huge palace that was in front of him. He headed towards it sneaking inside through a mouse hole since there was no way he could reach the doorbell that was situated halfway up the gigantic doors.

He emerged from the other side of the mouse hole and the first thing he noticed was a table full of gold pieces. Just one would be enough to support him and his mother for a year! The reason he didn't attempt to get on the table to grab one was because of the second thing he noticed. A giant.

The giant had just returned from a night shift at the CBI (Cloud Bureau of Investigation) and was sitting at the table counting the gold. Zach watched greedily as a coin fell off the table and landed on the ground not too far away. It was about the size of a wagon wheel but Zach was certain that he could carry it.

He was about to race out to grab it, when he noticed the giant sniff the air. "I smell a little human!" he growled, and launched into a catchy, but odd, little rhyme.

"Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be he alive, or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread."

Zach was tempted to correct his statement, that he was not an Englishman, but opted against it, seeing as how he valued his life. The giant began tracking Zach's scent. He began edging back to the mouse hole to hide when a woman emerged from the next room.

"Are you going to make breakfast?" she asked. The woman was as tall as the giant, with reddish brown hair, and blue eyes. The giant's wife or girlfriend, Zach figured.

"Isn't it your turn Bones? I'm busy counting and besides, I just smelled a human. I need to find him."

"What makes you so sure it's a man, Booth? It could be a female human. Furthermore, you are not getting out of this. You're supposed to cook on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Today is Wednesday. Now get in the kitchen. No more excuses!" She waited until he walked past her to the kitchen, following behind him and shutting the door behind her.

Zach used the opportunity to rush over to the coin. He picked it up, and promptly dropped it. It was heavier than it looked. He then proceeded to drag it out through the mouse hole and over to the beanstalk, where he pushed on the door to open the elevator.

"Nice!" Jack said when he saw the coin. He allowed Zach to enter with the coin. It was a tight squeeze. "Ya know, I have some magic pumpkin seeds if you wanna trade again."

"I don't think so," Zach said, keeping a tight grip on the edge of the coin.

Jack shrugged. "Suit yourself, but you're missing out. You should see what those pumpkin seeds do if you're impressed with this stupid beanstalk!"

When the elevator let him out at home, Zach pulled the coin through the door, nearly giving his mother a heart attack. She ran over to him and hugged him. They were going to be all right.

Still, Zach was convinced they could be better. The next morning, he went back out to the beanstalk, determined to get more from the giant's palace.

"Couldn't get enough, could you?" Jack greeted when the elevator opened.

"We need more," Zach said simply.

"All right! Let's get goin'!" The door shut and they rose up into the clouds. Zach got out and walked across the clouds to the mouse hole. When he emerged, he saw the giant with a hen, normal sized. The hen made a noise and got up, revealing an egg made of solid gold.

Zach was thrilled. The hen would end all of their problems. He wasn't sure how long hens lived, but until the hen died, she could lay golden eggs for them. Then he saw the giant's nostrils flare and he repeated that ridiculous rhyme. He was about to get up and go sniff out Zach when a voice interrupted him.

"Is that you out there Booth?"

"Yes."

"What the hell are you talking about, bone grinding for bread? If you do that, you're eating it all on your own, cause that sounds unappetizing. What are you doing out there anyway? It's still early. Come back to bed. We had a long night last night."

Zach saw the giant smile fondly, no doubt remembering the previous night. He watched the hen again. "I'm watching the hen lay eggs and I smelled that human again," he called.

"Well, you can watch and smell later. Right now, I want you to come back in here." There was a pause. "Please."

"I'll be there in a minute." He took the hen's latest egg and placed it in a basket before walking in the apparent direction of his bedroom, grumbling to himself about a nagging girlfriend who was never satisfied.

When he was gone, Zach ran out and coaxed the hen off the table and onto the floor. From there, he placed her under his arm and headed out to the elevator.

"You brought back a chicken?" Jack asked derisively as Zach stepped into the elevator.

"This isn't just any chicken. She lays golden eggs. Now take me back down."

"Ya know, that giant is gonna be pissed at you, stealing his chicken. I'd be more careful if I were you."

Zach scoffed. He was smarter than the giant. He'd be all right.

The next morning, Zach decided to go back up the beanstalk one more time. He pushed on the elevator door.

"Do you have a death wish? I mean, the coin is one thing. It's _one_ coin. But he's gonna notice that the chicken's gone."

"I'll be careful. This is the last time. Once I get down today, I'm going to chop the beanstalk down."

"Whatever you say. We're here."

Zach went inside the palace and found the giant at the table with a harp. But this wasn't a normal harp. She was made of gold and was self-playing. She finished her song and looked at the giant.

"What's the matter Booth? Hot CBI agents like you shouldn't look so down."

Zach's eyes grew wide. The harp could also talk!

"It's this human. I keep smelling him. I smelled him yesterday and the day before. And yesterday, he stole my hen while Bones and I were…you know."

"Oh, believe me, I know. I heard. Maybe this human will come back again today." She smiled. "Speaking of which, where is Bren?"

"I think she's in her lab doing something or other. If that human comes back, I'm gonna eat him. Don't tell Bones though, ok Angela? You know she has a soft spot for humans. Doesn't like to eat them and such."

The harp named Angela nodded. "Whatever you want. You should go check on her. Remember that one time when she was experimenting and almost blew up the place?"

The giant remembered. He got up and ambled into the next room. When he was gone, Zach walked forward and managed to get up on the table by climbing the inclined leg of a nearby bench. He snatched the talking harp and jumped down, running for the mouse hole.

"Hey, where do you think you're taking me?"

"Shh, Angela, I'm taking you to my house."

"Oh, I don't think so. Wait, a minute! You're that human!" She took a deep breath and yelled as loudly as she could for the giant.

Seconds later, the giant came thundering out and uttered that stupid rhyme again. Zach took off, coming out the other side of the mouse hole and banging on the elevator door. When it opened, he jumped in with Angela the harp, turning to see the giant coming after him. The doors closed and the elevator went down.

"I told you man! You're screwed now! That giant eats guys like you."

"Quiet, I need to think," Zach muttered. When the elevator opened he was relieved to see that he'd beaten the giant to earth. He set Angela down and grabbed his little ax from the nearby woodpile and began to hack futilely at the beanstalk. It was so big, however, that it would have taken him at least a few days to even make a sizable dent in it. The giant made it down to the ground, and picked him up.

Zach closed his eyes. He was going to be eaten. What a way to die! He was practically inside the giant's mouth when a feminine voice made the giant stop.

"Booth, what do you think you're doing now?"

"This is the human that kept stealing from us! I was just going to eat him."

"Oh, no you're not! Put him down. We have plenty of money anyway and look where he's living. You can at least let him keep the hen." She pleaded with him silently and he gave in with a sigh, placing Zach back on the ground.

"Fine, but I'm taking Angela back." He picked up the harp.

She kissed him. "Thank you. Now, let's go back home. I'll make us some coffee." They climbed back up the beanstalk, and Zach continued chopping it down. Another voice reached his ears.

"Hey, stop chopping until I get out of here. Open the elevator!"

Zach did so, and Jack stumbled out. "Thank you! Did you forget about me in there? I thought you were gonna chop it down with me still inside!"

Zach_ had _forgotten about Jack, but he didn't say anything. Once the salesman had left on his way, Zach continued chopping and, after a week and a half, the beanstalk finally came down. Zach and his mother moved into a big house in the village and lived happily ever after with the golden egg laying chicken.

**A/N: There you have it! Hope you liked it!! Thanks for reading!**


	10. Hodgins Goldilocks & the 3 bears

**A/N: I decided that since it was getting late, I'd update this fic. The best ones happen at night. I guess I get a little loopy or something. Anyway, here's Hodgins dreaming 'Goldilocks and the 3 bears.' No base, just my memory and tweaking. I think I have the 'Wizard of Oz' almost worked through in my head, so hopefully that one will be next. Enjoy!**

**Hodgins-Goldilocks and the 3 bears**

Once upon a time there were three bears. Bears? Can't I ever be human? All right. Anyway, the bear family lived in the woods. There was an awesome Papa Bear who was the whole package. He had the looks, the brains, everything. He was a little like Mary Poppins…not the nanny or the woman part, but the 'practically perfect in every way' part. There was also a Mama Bear. She was an artist, and was really hot, especially for a bear.

They lived happily in a small house in the wilderness and…wait, there are _three_ bears? Oh, right. Baby Bear. Yea, Baby Bear was a real piece of work. He was too smart for his own good, and was always trying to outdo Papa Bear. Of course, he rarely succeeded and Papa Bear was the undisputed King of the Lab…er…wilderness.

Anyway, one day Mama Bear made porridge for them. Ugh, gross. Who eats porridge? Let's go with that awesome organ soup from Wong Foo's. Oh yea, that's the stuff. Anyhow, Papa Bear took a taste.

"This is way too hot, and I don't mean that in the good way!"

Mama Bear took one look at the soup and opted not to eat it. "It's gross and it looks cold anyway."

"How could mine be hot and yours be cold? They came in the same container."

"I don't know _Jack_. It looks cold. There's not even any steam rising from it."

"Fine, and the name's Papa Bear."

"Mine tastes just fine…at least temperature wise."

"Who asked you Baby Bear?" Papa Bear asked testily.

"I was merely making the same observation everyone else was making."

"Well, don't."

"How about we all go for a walk? From the looks of it, we all need to get out. And it would give your soup a chance to cool Papa Bear, since I'm not eating mine anyway."

"Yea, ok, let's go. You comin' Baby Bear?"

"Yes, a walk sounds enjoyable."

The bears left, and after awhile, two people came upon their house.

The first was a girl, Goldilocks by name…wait, her locks aren't goldi; I need another name….Brownilocks…yea. Brownilocks was out enjoying a walk with her partner, Booth, who was an agent with the WBI (Wilderness Bureau of Investigation).

"Ugh, what's that smell?" Brownilocks asked.

"It almost smells like…no it couldn't be."

"What?"

"Sid's organ soup. Out here though?"

"Well, let's find out." Brownilocks made for the door, but Booth stopped her.

"We can't. It's breaking and entering."

"You're a WBI agent. Find some probable cause." She thought for a moment, then pointed at the tracks in the ground. "Look! They're bears. I bet they're up to something. You have a duty to check it out."

That was all Booth needed to hear. Bears were usually up to something. He kicked the door in and he and Brownilocks went inside. Sure enough, on the table, there sat the bowls of soup.

"I thought so!" He sat in Papa Bear's chair, and tasted the soup, dropping the spoon back into the bowl. "Damn, that's hot!"

Brownilocks eyed Mama Bear's bowl. "This one appears to be cold. I'm not going to taste it though."

They both looked at Baby Bear's bowl. Booth tasted it. It was just right. He ate the soup part, leaving the organs.

"Wow, that soup packs a punch. Let's find someplace comfortable to sit."

They entered the living room where there were three chairs. Booth sat in Papa Bear's chair, and tried to get comfortable. "This one's too hard. Bear or not, how can the guy stand it?"

Brownilocks sat in Mama Bear's chair. "This one is far too soft. Wanna trade?"

"Sure." They switched chairs, and Brownilocks noticed the small chair next to Mama Bear's.

"Look at the little chair Booth."

"Dare you to sit in it."

Brownilocks shook her head. "No. It's far too small. I'd break it."

"I'll sit in it."

"You'll break it."

"Well, I already ate the little one's soup, so I might as well break his chair too."

"That's mean Booth."

Booth shrugged. "Bears, remember?" He sat down in Baby Bear's chair.

"Hey, this is perfect; not too hard and not too soft."

"It's gonna break Booth." The minute she said this, the chair broke. "Told you."

"I never said I didn't believe you." He sat on the floor a moment, then stood up, yawning.

"Nap time. You tired?"

"I am a little bit actually." They ventured upstairs to the bears' bedroom, where they found three beds.

Booth tried Papa Bear's bed. "Too hard again. What is up with this guy? Does he have some weird fetish for pain?"

Brownilocks tried Mama Bear's bed. "Too soft. Wanna trade again?"

"Sounds good." They switched, and Brownilocks had to admit that Papa Bear's mattress was even too hard for her.

"I don't think I can sleep on this one either. How's yours?"

"I'm sinking into the mattress."

"Well, if previous instances are any indication, the small bed over on the end should fall somewhere in the middle of hard and soft. I'm going to try that one."

"No way Brownilocks. It's mine."

"Says who? I called it."

They both raced to Baby Bear's bed and a small battle ensued.

"Ok, neither of us is gaining the upper hand, so let's compromise," Brownilocks reasoned.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Let's just share. We won't be here long, after all."

"Fine, but only because I'm tired of fighting you and I'm not sleeping on those other beds."

Ok, time out. Why are Booth and Brennan sharing a bed in my dream? Subconscious crap. All right, back to the story.

Brownilocks and Booth crawled into the bed, close together due to the size of the bed itself. In no time, they were both asleep.

Meanwhile, the three bears returned from their walk. They went inside and were confronted with their soup bowls.

"Some dead person's been tasting my soup," Papa Bear muttered. "Or he will be dead." He glanced at Mama Bear.

"I'm pretty sure no one's touched mine. I don't blame them either."

Baby Bear looked into his bowl. "Someone ate the broth in my soup and left all the organs."

"Shut up Baby Bear…wait a sec. Did you say they left the organs?"

"Yes."

"Well, hand 'em over!" He held his bowl out to Baby Bear, who poured the contents of his bowl into Papa Bear's.

"Sweet!" Papa Bear was about to eat the soup, but Mama Bear stopped him.

"If someone's been in here, shouldn't we check out the rest of the house? They might even still be here."

They went to the living room. "That guy is so dead! Whoever he is, he's been sitting in my chair!" Papa Bear was fuming.

"How can you tell?" Mama Bear asked.

"I just…can. Your chair's been sat in too." He pointed at Mama Bear's chair.

Mama Bear shrugged. "If you say so."

"Someone's been sitting in…" Baby Bear began, but Papa Bear cut him off.

"What did I just tell you man?"

"It's broken!" Baby Bear exclaimed.

Papa Bear softened a bit. "I'll get you a new one. Don't worry about it. Let's check out the bedroom."

They crept up the stairs, and Papa Bear said, "That tears it! My bed's been slept in."

"How the hell can you…" Mama Bear began, but gave up, not finishing the sentence. "I suppose mine's been slept in too, right?"

"Bingo baby."

Baby Bear looked over at his bed. His eyes grew wide and he said, "My bed's been slept in too. In fact, it's still being slept in!" The other bears turned and Baby Bear pointed at Brownilocks and Booth, cuddling in his bed, still asleep.

Papa Bear let out a growl, which turned into a roar. The sound woke up Brownilocks, who immediately shook Booth awake. "Booth? The bears are back."

He opened his eyes, and took in the scene. "I forgot my tranquilizer gun. Maybe we should just run."

"Good idea." They leapt out of the bed, and bolted down the stairs, heading back for their own homes as fast as they could. The bears didn't follow. Papa Bear led the way downstairs and was finally able to eat his soup.

**A/N: A tad on the short side, compared to some of the others, I think, but shorter is good sometimes. Thanks for reading!!**


	11. Cam Wizard of Oz

**A/N: Ok, just so everyone knows, this is going to be shortened. Just because I've never read the book, and the movie is long, and I didn't wanna go through the whole movie, so be prepared. The witch's death scene is a little different. Also, this is Cam's dream, and I don't normally include her, so this is a one-time only thing. Because I don't know her character that well, some of the things I've included previously aren't here, such as the character interaction factor. It was difficult to write, so sorry in advance. I did my best. Thanks to rebekadunn for the suggestion. Sorry it took so long to get this up hun! Enjoy!**

**Cam-Wizard of Oz**

Once upon a time there was a deliciously Wicked Witch who lived in land called Oz. She had a crystal ball that allowed her to see anything she wanted in the whole land. One day, she watched the crystal closely as it focused on Munchkin land. She was watching her sister, the witch of the East harass the little people that inhabited the town.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a house fell to the earth, landing directly on her sister. The wicked witch, whose name was Cam, immediately jumped on her broomstick and headed to Munchkin land. Whoever had killed her sister wasn't going to get away with it. Although, she reflected, now that she was dead, she wouldn't need those cute ruby slippers any longer. Yes, the slippers were hers!

When she arrived, she noticed a girl standing in front of the house, holding a small piglet in her arms.

"You killed my sister!" Cam yelled out. She pointed at the ruby colored shoes on the girl's feet. "And you stole her slippers!"

The reply was instant. "No, I didn't."

"Yes you did! You're wearing them right now!"

"No, I'm not." She clutched the pig closer. "Who are you anyway?"

"I'm the Wicked Witch of the West. My name's Cam. Who are you? I want to know who I'm about to kill."

The girl remained unafraid. "I'm Temperance, and this is Jasper." She held up the pig.

"Well, say good-bye Temperance!" She was about to cast a spell when a glowing ball of light appeared, getting closer and closer. Angela, the Good Witch of the North. Damn it all. Cam turned to leave.

"This isn't over. I'll get you…and your little pig too!" With that she flew off to her lair, watching the events through her crystal ball.

The ball of light turned into a person and Temperance rubbed her eyes at the light that surrounded her.

"Hi, Temperance!"

"Who are you, and where are we?"

"I'm Angela, the Good Witch of the North. And this is the land of Oz."

"I don't wanna be here. I want to go home. I'm a scientist. I need to get back."

"Ok, ok. Not in the market for a vacation I see. All you have to do is follow the yellow brick…actually it's more of a goldenrod, don't you think? Follow the goldenrod brick road. It'll take you to the great Wizard of Oz. He can help you get back home. Oh, and I have to ask; where did you get those shoes? They're adorable!"

Temperance gestured to the dead witch under the house. "They were on her feet."

"Eww, in that case forget it. Make sure you don't take them off. The Wicked Witch Cam will be after them."

"Got it."

"I think that's all I have to say. You'd better get going. If you leave now, you just might get there by the end of the day."

Temperance nodded, and started off down the brick road, carrying Jasper in her arms.

"Curse you Angela!" Cam muttered at the crystal. She'd figured Temperance would have to take the shoes off eventually, but thanks to Angela's warning, the odds were now pretty slim. Still, there was the off chance she'd forget the warning. She continued to watch.

Temperance was walking down the road when she passed by a field, in which was a scarecrow. To her surprise, he looked at her and raised a hand in greeting.

"This place is strange. Witches and living scarecrows? What's next?"

"What's your name?" the scarecrow asked.

"I'm Temperance. This is Jasper. And you are?"

"Call me Booth."

"Why are you in this field? There's nothing here, so the crows wouldn't even come."

"I'm undercover. I work for the OBI (Oz Bureau of Investigation). Where are you off to?"

"I'm on my way to see the Wizard. He's going to help Jasper and I get home."

"The Wizard huh? I wonder if he could get me a new gun." He pulled the weapon from its holster and held it up for her inspection. It had seen better days.

Temperance's ears pricked up at the word 'gun'. She'd always wanted a weapon of her own. She shrugged. "I don't know. He might. You can come with me if you'd like, and see if he'll help you."

"All right, I will. Not much I can do about my assignment without a gun." He joined her on the goldenrod brick road, and they continued on together.

Cam glared into her crystal ball. Temperance was making friends. How adorable. The witch felt sick just thinking about it. She continued observing, thinking that if Temperance didn't take the slippers off before arriving at the Wizard's she'd just have to go there herself.

Soon Temperance and Booth came across a man made of tin. His eyes caught Temperance's as they went past.

"I had to ask what was next, didn't I?" she sighed and walked over to the tin man, who was in need of oil. She picked up the nearby oil can and squeezed some into the tin joints.

Once he could move and talk again, the tin man said, "Thank you! Man, I thought no one was ever going to come by here again. This road doesn't get traveled very much anymore."

"Who are you?" Booth asked. The tin man turned to him, eyes wide.

"Whoa! A talking scarecrow!" He reached out and poked Booth in the chest.

"Hey, watch it!"

"That's just trippy," the tin man commented, still poking at Booth.

"Speak for yourself," Temperance said. "Cause right now, I'm looking at a man made out of tin."

"Oh, sorry. Yea, I'm made of tin. Name's Hodgins." He held out a tin hand, which both Temperance and Booth shook.

"I'm Booth. This is Temperance and Jasper."

"Jasper? That's a weird name for a girl."

Temperance sighed and held Jasper out to Hodgins. "_This_ is Jasper."

"Ohh, right, the pig. Where you goin?"

"We're going to see the Wizard. I need to get home and Booth needs a new gun."

"Sweet. Can I go too? Maybe the Wizard can get me some new flesh eating beetles."

Booth made a face and Hodgins eyed him. "What? I like bugs. Plus, I'm made of tin, so they can't hurt me." He knocked his chest with his fist for emphasis.

"I suppose you could join us," Temperance said, and the three continued on their way.

As they walked, they heard a noise, which made them stop short. It sounded almost like a roar, but it didn't have quite enough strength behind it.

"Is someone there?" Temperance asked.

"Yea, come out so we can kick your ass!" Hodgins called. "Oh, and we got a guy with a gun too!"

"Ixnay on the ungay," Booth muttered.

"Huh?"

"You don't know Pig Latin? My gun's busted."

"Oh." Hodgins looked back to where the noise had come from. "Forget the gun dude. But the ass kicking threat still stands!"

A lion stepped shyly out from the bushes. "Please don't harm me. I'm very non-threatening."

Temperance stepped closer, despite the warnings from her companions. "You're a lion?"

"Correct. But, I don't kill people. Or scarecrows. Or tin men. Or pigs." He looked at each of them in turn. "I'm Zach."

"I'm Temperance. This is Jasper, my pig; the tin man is Hodgins, and the scarecrow is Booth. He's with the OBI."

"Am I in trouble?" Zach looked worried.

"No, we're just going to see the Wizard. She needs to get home, he needs some bugs, and I need a new gun," Booth explained.

"I see. Could I possibly join you? Perhaps I could ask the Wizard for a girlfriend. I've been told I need one."

"And how," Booth muttered to Hodgins and they both snickered.

Temperance glared at them and nodded. "Of course you can come."

They traveled on down the goldenrod brick road, and Hodgins spoke up.

"Aren't we supposed to join arms, skip, and sing some song about going to see the Wizard?"

"Like hell I'm doing that," Booth said, and the others echoed their agreement.

"Fine, fine, I just thought…" He trailed off as they arrived at the castle that was the home of the Wizard.

"A green castle?" Temperance hadn't expected that.

"It's emerald actually," Zach corrected.

"Emerald is still green," Temperance pointed out.

"Point taken, although…" Zach was prepared to go on but Booth cut him off.

"Can we go inside, oh, I don't know, sometime this century?" Booth asked impatiently.

They headed up to the castle doors, and at first were denied entry until the doorman noticed the ruby slippers on Temperance's feet.

From her crystal ball, Cam watched them enter. "Damn!" she swore loudly. She grabbed her broomstick and left her lair to fly to the Wizard's castle to claim her new shoes.

Once inside the castle, the little group was ushered into a room where a floating head greeted them in a deep booming voice.

"I am the Wizard of Oz, the great and powerful Lance Sweets!"

Booth stifled a laugh. "Sweets?!"

"Silence scarecrow!"

"Fine. Whatever you say Sweets."

"That's great and powerful Wizard Sweets to you!" the voice boomed.

Temperance set Jasper down so she could speak to the floating head. The little pig ran over to a curtain that was on the other side of the room, catching it in his teeth and pulling it back to reveal a skinny, young looking guy talking into a megaphone.

He felt their eyes on him and immediately pulled the curtain back into place.

"Pay no attention to the totally awesome guy behind the curtain!"

Temperance stalked over to the curtain and flung it back. "You're really him aren't you? You're the Wizard of Oz?"

The guy let out a sigh and stepped away from the curtain. "Yea, I am. I just thought the head was more intimidating."

"Nice try Sweets," Booth commented.

"Can you help us out?" Hodgins asked.

"I can try. Of course, since you figured me out, you probably also know that I don't have any magical powers or anything like that."

He looked at Zach. "What do you want lion?"

"I would like a girlfriend. Please."

The Wizard thought for a moment. "Oh, I know just the girl. She lives a few miles from here. Her name's Naomi. I can give you her address and you can pay her a visit. Just say you know me." He handed Zach a piece of paper with the address on it.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. What about you tin man?"

"I want some flesh eating beetles."

"Ok, umm…lemme think. Oh, there's a place near the poppy field that is crawling with all sorts of insects. There may be some flesh eating beetles there, and if there aren't, there's bound to be something that'll catch your interest. Here's a map to help you find the way."

"Thanks dude…uh, Wizard."

"Don't mention it. Scarecrow?"

"What?"

"What can I do for you?"

"Oh, right. Well, I need a new gun. My old one's kinda out of commission." He showed the firearm to the Wizard.

"Wow, all right. Hang on." He left the room, and returned with a submachine gun. "Sorry. It's not like your old one, but this was all I could find."

"I'll just have to make it work, I guess." The scarecrow was grinning as he took the gun. "Thanks Sweets."

"Not a problem. How about you?" He looked at Temperance.

"Jasper and I would like to go home."

"Not so fast!" Cam appeared inside the room. "You're not going anywhere until I get those shoes!"

"They're mine. Good Witch Angela said I wasn't supposed to take them off."

"You'll take them off or else!"

"Hang on, I got this," Hodgins said. He retrieved a bucket of water and splashed it on Cam.

She looked at Hodgins and then down at herself. "What the hell was that for? Now I'm all wet! Idiot, you're next as soon as I deal with the girl and her pig."

"Don't you touch Jasper," Brennan said, clutching the piglet protectively.

"Oh, for the love of God, everyone get out of the way," Booth said. The solution of how to get rid of Cam was so easy. Everyone moved away and Booth opened fire.

Cam sat up in bed, eyes wide and breath coming out in short pants. Why did she just die in her dream? She shook her head to clear it, and smashed her head back in the pillow. That was it. No more staying up late watching classic movies.

**A/N: Hey, I hope that was all right. Again, it was rather hard to write, but hopefully it's ok. You all know how it ends. She goes back home and all's well that ends well. I just wanted to cut it off after Cam dies since it's her dream. Thanks for reading!**


	12. Angela Sleeping Beauty

**A/N: Wow, it's been ages since I've updated! So, here I am, doing the update thing. This is Angela dreaming Sleeping Beauty. Thanks to Megan Nichole and RavennaNightwind for the idea. It's based on the Brothers Grimm version. Enjoy!**

**Angela-Sleeping Beauty**

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away there lived a king and queen who wished for a child. Finally, their wish was granted and they had a baby girl. They named her Angela and had a huge party at the castle to celebrate her birth. I mean, this was the party to end all parties! Naturally, everyone who attended brought the baby a gift. Mostly cute little dresses and shoes.

Three magical fairies also attended. They didn't bring any material gifts with them, but instead bestowed magical gifts on the baby. The first fairy came forward.

"Ok, first off, do I have to be a _fairy_?"

_Yes, you do Booth. Now shut up and bestow your gift._

"But, I'm a guy. Guys aren't fairies. Well, most guys."

_Just do it._

"Fine, fine. It's your dream. But I still don't see why I couldn't have been a prince or something."

_Because you're Bren's prince, not mine. You're a fairy. If it makes you feel any better, you can join the FBI (Fairy Bureau of Investigation). Will that make you feel more manly?_

"About as manly as a guy fairy can be, I guess."

_Good. Now make with the magic._

"Princess Angela, I bestow upon you the gift of beauty," the fairy said without emotion. He waved his wand briefly over the baby, then flew over to stand next to his fellow fairies.

The second fairy flew over the baby. "Princess Angela, I bestow upon you the gift of…what is this? The gift of riches?! I don't think so. I give you the gift of intelligence." She waved her wand over the baby.

"That was going to be my gift," the third fairy protested.

"I apologize, Zach. But there was no way I was going to give Princess Angela riches when there are more important things in the world. Besides, she's a princess; she's already got riches." She waved a hand at the opulence surrounding them.

"You make a good point Dr. Brennan."

"I'm not Dr. Brennan now. I'm fairy Temperance."

_See Booth; Zach's not complaining about being a fairy._

"Now I have to think of another gift," the third fairy said. Before he could, however, there was a flash of light, and the evil fairy Cam appeared.

"I have a gift for the princess as well," she said smoothly, standing over the baby's bassinette. "When she turns twenty-one years old, she will prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die!" Before the guards could do anything, Cam waved her wand over the baby and vanished.

A stunned silence filled the room. The king looked at the fairies. "Can't you do anything?"

The fairies shook their heads. Then, the third fairy had a thought. "I haven't given my gift yet. I can't take away Cam's curse, but I can change it." He stood over the child and said, "Rather than die, the princess will only fall into a deep sleep when she pricks her finger. The sleep will last until she is rescued by a prince."

The second fairy rolled her eyes. "Typical. Why must a prince always be involved?"

The first fairy groaned. "I could've been a prince."

The years passed, and as Princess Angela approached her twenty first birthday, the king ordered that all spinning wheels in the kingdom be burnt in a huge bonfire in the town square. He was determined that his daughter be protected. Unfortunately, as often happens when one tries to get rid of something, one was overlooked. The one remaining spinning wheel sat in a tower of the castle, long forgotten.

On her birthday, Angela decided to go exploring. There were parts of the castle she had never seen before. Being intelligent, she was also graced with a natural curiosity that had gotten her into trouble throughout the years. She explored the east wing of the castle, coming across a door that contained a staircase. She followed the stairs up to a tower. No one had been inside it for a long time and it was covered in dust and cobwebs.

"Oh, gross!" Angela turned to leave but noticed something in the corner. Being sheltered as she had been her whole life, she had never actually laid eyes on a spinning wheel before.

"What the hell…?" she muttered, tip-toeing over to the object. She reached out a finger to touch it, then wiped the dust from her digit on her skirt. She went to touch it again, and when she did felt a sharp poke. She looked down at her finger. There was a drop of blood on it.

Suddenly she felt dizzy. She staggered back, leaning against a table. Feeling an overwhelming need to lie down for a moment, she hoisted herself up on the table. Then everything went black.

When the princess fell into her deep sleep, the rest of the castle followed suit. Whether that had been the fairy's intention was not known, but the king, queen, and all inhabitants of the castle collapsed where they stood, in the same deep sleep as the princess upstairs in the tower. Around the castle a thick patch of thorns grew, covering the grounds and making it difficult for anyone to reach the front gate.

The tale of what had happened spread throughout the villages. Many princes from different kingdoms tried to penetrate the thorns to reach the castle and rescue the princess and those inside, but all failed. The years passed and all had tried except one.

Prince Jack Hodgins had better things to do with his time. He and the third fairy were busy making a hybrid cockroach/honeybee when the third fairy brought up a topic that the prince did not wish to discuss.

"You haven't tried to rescue Princess Angela in the tower yet."

"No, and I don't intend to. No one else has been able to do it. Why should I get all pricked and bloody in those thorns when I won't do any better than them?"

"You might. You never know until you try. I was the one who changed Cam's curse and I think you could be the one to do it. You're their last chance."

Prince Jack looked up from the black and yellow striped cockroach. "Really? I couldn't be the _only _one left who hasn't tried."

"Well, you are. Plus, I bet that if you rescued her, everyone would be so grateful to you and her parents would most likely let you marry her."

"You think so? Is she hot?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her since she was a baby. But my fellow male fairy Booth gave her the gift of beauty."

Prince Jack snorted back a laugh. "Man, you as a fairy is one thing, but…" he trailed off laughing. "Does he wear that same getup as you?" He gestured to Zach's purple fairy costume.

_Damnit, Jack, shut up! This is my dream so stop laughing about Booth being a fairy! I can always make you switch roles with him._

"You wouldn't dare!"

_Try me._

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. I don't know Zach. We're almost done with our hybrid and…"

_Jack Hodgins, you get your ass down to that castle, and do some rescuing! Now!!_

Prince Jack swallowed. "I guess I'll just go now and leave our hybrid in your tiny, less than capable hands." He left hurriedly and the third fairy was left with the hybrid bug.

Prince Jack rode his horse for days until he arrived at the thorny castle. He eyed the thick curling thorns and sighed. "Oh, man, she had better be worth it."

_You're damn right I'm worth it, buster. _

Prince Jack began to carefully navigate through the thorns, hacking at them with his sword. "Oh man, this is helpless. I'm never gonna get through these in one piece."

Suddenly, the first fairy appeared before him. "Maybe I can help."

Prince Jack burst out laughing. "You _do _have the same getup as Zach! Priceless! I wish cameras had already been invented!"

"Hey! I'm with the FBI now. I can arrest you!" He held up a pair of tiny handcuffs.

"Oh, I'm shaking in my princely boots! I'm not scared of you tiny! If I had a flyswatter, I'd show you what's what."

The fairy threw the handcuffs at him. They wouldn't have done any damage except that they hit Prince Jack in the eye. "Why you little fairy bastard!" He tried to grab the fairy, who flew out of range.

"Just for that, I'm not helping you!" As soon as he said those words, the second fairy appeared.

"Stop being so stubborn Booth. You're supposed to be helping Princess Angela."

"But, he made fun of me!"

The second fairy shook her head and kissed his cheek. "Don't listen to him Booth. You're outfit's fine, and there's nothing wrong with being a fairy. Why don't you go home and wait for me, and when I'm done helping out here, we can go wild and crazy and have hot sex in every room of the house!"

_Oops. Sorry. I got carried away. My dream, after all. Let's rewind a bit._

The second fairy shook her head and kissed his cheek. "Don't listen to him Booth. You're outfit's fine, and there's nothing wrong with being a fairy. Why don't you go home and wait for me, and when I'm done helping out here, we can sit in front of the fire with some hot chocolate."

_Yea, that'll work._

The first fairy gave in. "Fine, but I'm still angry at you." He shook a small fist at Prince Jack, who snorted back a laugh.

After the first fairy disappeared, the second turned to Prince Jack. "You didn't have to be so mean. He's very touchy about being a fairy."

Prince Jack shrugged. "Sorry. I just always thought being a fairy was a chick thing, at least until I met Zach."

"That's an extremely sexist attitude!"

"Sorry about that too. I'm a prince. We generally are kind of sexist."

"Let's get back on task here. You need something to get through those thorns, right?"

"Yes, please."

"All right, let's see here." The fairy thought, then waved her wand.

"Wow, these don't even exist yet!" Prince Jack held up the chainsaw the fairy had bestowed upon him.

"I know, which is why it'll vanish as soon as you get through those thorns. There's no way you'd ever get through with that sword. At least not during this century."

Prince Jack started the chainsaw and got started cutting through the thorn branches. The chainsaw made it so easy. In what seemed like no time at all, he was through and standing at the front gate. Once inside the castle, he thought back to what he'd heard other princes talking about. Princess Angela was in a tower in the east wing.

He came upon the door, and found the staircase. "Oh, come on! There's gotta be like a million stairs here."

_One hundred twenty-seven actually._

"Make it an escalator."

_They don't exist. Now climb. Your princess awaits._

Prince Jack grumbled but began his ascent. When he reached the top, heaving and panting, he began sneezing upon entering the room. The dust was even worse. Then he saw the princess, covered in a layer of dust herself, cobwebs adorning her dress.

"That's attractive," he said sarcastically as he approached her. Under all the dust, she was very beautiful. He leaned in close and kissed her softly on the lips. She immediately began to stir.

"Oh my God, where am I?" She sat up and saw Prince Jack. She let out an ear piercing scream.

"Who the hell are you?! What are doing here!?"

Prince Jack winced at the sound. "I just saved you. And everyone else in this castle."

"Oh. Sorry about the scream."

"It's ok."

"I suppose I should thank you as well." She looked down at her dress and screamed again, jumping up off the table and frantically brushing the cobwebs off her clothing.

"Watch those screams! I don't wanna go deaf here!"

They made their way downstairs where the entire castle was waking up. The king and queen were overjoyed to see their beloved daughter again, and as the third fairy predicted, allowed Prince Jack to marry Princess Angela. They lived happily ever after with a certain cockroach/honeybee hybrid, which Prince Jack insisted live with them.

**A/N: I hope that was worth the wait! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


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